Treasures From My Heart

Saving Grace - book review

2012-02-04T10:42:00.000-08:00

Saving Grace by Annie Jones was at first a hard book for me to get into. Perhaps it was because I hadn't read the first book The Prayer Tree, which made me feel a little lost, as I didn't know the characters.

I have to admit it took me awhile really get into the book and like it. But once I did like it, it was definitely hard to put down. I wanted to know what was going to happen with Lucy, Rose, Gayle, and Naomi. These women from different walks of life, and of different ages, warmed there way into my heart. Not only did I enjoy walking with them through their struggles, and seeing how they overcame them, but I thoroughly enjoyed the friendship they all shared, and no matter how crazy they thought an idea was, they were there to support one another as only true friends can do. I laughed with them and I cried with them, and had my faith stretched with them.

The character of Miss Grace is delightful. She made me laugh, and she made me think. She comes together with the four friends in a surprising way and like the front cover of the book says "Miss Grace needs them. Or is it the other way around?"

You can read an excerpt from the book here.

I liked this book so much that I'm going to purchase a hard copy of it (I read it as an e-book) and purchase the first book as well, so I can see how it all started.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Flowers

2012-01-21T14:54:00.001-08:00

Recently my husband bought me a bouquet of flowers, and one day we had fun taking pictures of individual flowers in it, using our macro lenses. These are some of my favorites. The sun was coming through the window just right to make for some fun shots.

Facebook-less

2011-12-31T12:11:00.001-08:00

These last several weeks have been a 'study in spending time differently.' My husband and I agreed to both spend a lot less time on the internet. In so doing, we also decided to not watch TV any more while we eat dinner. I realize now that was a bad habit we got into.

So, in order to make this work, I agreed to let my husband block certain sites, so that I couldn't access them at all unless he turned the K9 blocking program off. The only sites available to me were email and my blog. Google was available as well, but only for typing stuff into it, not clicking on the links.

The sites I spent the most time at were Facebook and a discussion board. Facebook was far and away the one I was on the most. I at first tried to take off everyone except my husband and daughter a couple of months ago, but then I started adding some people back and was spending more time on the discussion board. Most of the time was just mindless wandering around, with no clear direction... just bored and wanting something to do.

My husband has asked me many times if I would be willing to let him block sites for me and I always balked at the suggestion, having reasons why I just couldn't do that... they were excuses, plain and simple.

What brought this whole thing on was something I read in a book (fiction) where the wife was wondering what had changed about herself and why she was so focused on having things perfect for the holidays. She vowed to make some changes; asking for help and doing a lot less. This freed her up to be more herself and her husband commented that she was more like the girl he married, playful and content. This prompted me to ask my husband what I was like when we first married... he said I was more playful and joyful. I asked him what changed that. His answer was immediate. "The internet."

So, that's what brought the decision to scale way back on how much time I spend online. I let my Facebook and discussion board friends know that I would be gone for an undetermined length of time, telling them exactly why I was going on this 'fast,' as it were. Most were completely understanding, some not so much, saying that we grow and mature and that's what changes us. While that's true, I know that the amount of time I spent online stole a lot from me. Sure, 'it didn't do it' but I allowed it too. I got too sucked in to seeing what everyone was doing and more than half the people I had on Facebook, I didn't even know personally. What happened to real life and real conversations?

We have gotten so technologically advanced that we've forgotten how to really live... how to really communicate... I for one miss the days of getting 'real mail.' The art of letter writing has clearly flown the coop, and that's a sad thing. I am overjoyed, almost to the point of giddiness when I get some 'real' mail!

Some time has passed since I started this blog post and left it in drafts... we have now added every site back, except for Facebook. The discussion board was originally still blocked as well, but the other day I asked my husband to unblock it and find that having spent so much time away from it, it's easy to curb the time I spend there.

We have also watched TV a time or two, in the last week, but we are not wanting to get sucked into that again. When I say we watched TV, that means watching DVD's of Little House on the Prairie...

Going on this 'fast' was one of the best things I could have done, and I hope to keep using my time more and more wisely as time goes on. I need to realize though, that like I heard a pastor say on the radio the other day, I can't change myself. Only God can change me. I need to, as my husband and I read in a marriage book, today, ask the Holy Spirit to change me and allow him to do the work in my life that He wants to do.

Wonderful Christmas Read (or Any Time!)

2011-12-22T15:41:00.000-08:00

Krista is about to embark on a two week journey of learning more of who her mother was and have her heart healed from years of pain in thinking that her mother didn't love her or care for her.

"She's Dying, Krista."

I took a long a long, slow breath. "She died a long time ago, Dane."

These are the opening words in the prologue of Mercy Come Morning, a book that had me spellbound from the beginning, and actually just from reading the back cover copy. I knew this was a book I had to read, because I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer's.

Krista never had the kind of relationship with her mother that she longed for so, when she left her in the Alzheimer's Care Home run by her high school sweetheart, she rarely visited. Three times in five years. She saw no point in visiting any more than that.

But now has come the call that will change everything, when she decides to go visit, and stay for as long as needed, because of her mother being on her deathbed. She leaves her college classes in the capable hands of her assistant, and drives from Colorado to New Mexico to go visit her mother, even though she won't remember her. Dane has told her there is something they found that she must see.

The day she arrives, December 12, is the day her quick journey of learning more about her mother begins, with her memories filling in the gaps.

Throughout the next several days until Christmas, her days are filled with longing, anger, and realizing there was more to her mother than met her eyes. Her friend, Elena,with whom she stays, while in Taos, has many words of wisdom to offer. "Silver is much like us.... It needs to be refined by fire before it becomes the beautiful metal that we love. Your mother went through many fires, dear one."

Krista sees no beauty in her mother - all she remembers is a woman who didn't love her and who was a "bitter old woman before her time. Those fires made her a burned out coal of a woman, not something beautiful."

"It takes coal some pressure and time to make a diamond," [Elena] said.

I sat back and looked at her, then out the window. "If there's a diamond deep inside, I never saw a glimpse of it."

She rose then. "You better start mining then, child. Time is short."

On another occasion this conversation takes place between Krista and Elena as they are at Elena's loom together:

"Your mother knew me and loved me, and I, her. There was much that was hurt in that woman from an early time. She was like a prickly pear cactus--showing her gray scars but continuing to grow."

I contemplated her words for a moment. "I thought she just stopped growing when she got hurt."

Elena shook her head. "No, mi hermanita. We never stop growing, no matter how much we might want to. Pain might change the direction of our growth, but we keep on as long as we live." She shrugged. "It is the way God made us. Like adobe one layer after another."

As Krista's journey continues, she learns not only about her mother, but about herself as well... but I better stop before I give too much away!

This book is a definite must read. It left me reflecting on my relationship with my own mom and with a sense of what may happen with my friend, and how I can be with her as the disease progresses.

Christmas Letter

2011-12-21T16:58:00.000-08:00

I thought I would go ahead and post our Christmas letter here... it was my turn to write it this year.

...the soul felt it's worth... these are words in the Christmas Carol, O Holy Night. The whole of it is:

Long lay the world
In sin and error pining
Till He appeared
And the soul felt it's worth.

It goes on to say:

A thrill of hope

The weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks

A new and glorious morn

The Jewish people had been waiting all their lives for the Messiah and when He appeared, for those who recognized Him, here was their hope. Weary from the weight of sin, they felt the worth of their soul when Jesus was born. had a reason to live, to laugh, to dance.

When I was a teenager, I remember my mom having a small construction paper 'poster' up on the wall. It was a reminder for her from a counselor and what it said (she wrote on the paper with a marker) was:

Being unworthy does not make me worthless.

That has stuck with me all these years. We are not worthy of God's love for us, or of the ultimate sacrifice He paid on the cross, but we are of great worth.

Our prayer for you this Christmas season is that Christ will shine in your hearts and you will overflow with joy and hope as you reflect on the wonderful gift of love that our Savior is.

As I reflect on this past year, I am thankful to God that He is faithful and that He is good – all the time – and all the time – He is good. I know, I just said the same thing twice, but it's true. :) Without Him in our lives, we would most certainly succumb to feelings of despair and hopelessness.

The early part of the year, beginning in March, saw Phil facing severe pain in his legs and hips. Long story short, he was diagnosed with neuropathy from the diabetes, and from toxicity from the anti-rejection drugs. He had physical therapy to help gain strength and balance back. He was off work for about four months during this time. While he suffered from such pain, I saw his heart gain strength and stamina as he cried out to the Lord. I know too, that his reading through the Bible this year, really increased his knowledge and dependence on the Lord. His heart has truly blossomed as he's done this.

He still really likes his job in the photo department at Walmart and is thankful to still be working, despite vision problems. He seems to be “go-to-guy” for a lot of customers, and it's now wonder, since he's so knowledgeable and is very kind to all customers.

Rebekah is a senior at CLU (California Lutheran University) and will graduate in May with a Bachelor's in Environmental Science. She continues to work at Haagen Dazs ice cream shop, in the mall there in Thousand Oaks. Some highlights of her year were going to the Grand Canyon in April and to Death Valley this fall. The Death Valley trip was for the geology class she was a teacher’s assistant for this semester. She is glad finals week is over and that she has some time off before the next semester starts.

She is up in the air about what she will do after graduation at this point, so please lift up some prayers for her about that.

We sure have enjoyed the times she's been able to come home for a visit. We had plans to go see her the first part of October, but I came down with a bad cold, so that didn't happen. So we went through the longest stretch yet of not seeing her – three months. We are thankful for phones, email, and facebook!

I have just gone through some thyroid difficulties, because of a virus that attacked it, causing both inflammation and thyroid hormone to leak into my blood stream. I had symptoms of both hypo and hyper thyroidism, the worst being extreme fatigue and lack of energy. We are grateful for the Dr. that was able to diagnose me and put me on the proper meds to help – anti-inflammatories, and a beta blocker because my heart rate was too high. It is possible that the virus caused some irreversible cell damage. I'll know when I go to the Dr. next week (the 21st.) If so, thyroid meds will be on dock for me. Through all of this the Lord worked some wondrous miracles from tests being earlier, and getting into the specialist quickly. I am so thankful to Him for all He did throughout all of this, including the work He did within.

I am still working at His Healing Hands – I just passed my two year mark on November 17. I had a review last week and my boss let me know where my strengths are, areas I need to improve, and goals... the goals mean more responsibility for me, as well as an increase in hours. I will go from working about two hours a week to working six to eight hours a week. This is not something I expected! I am grateful.

I still enjoy writing and leading a writer's group through our church. The small group of women is a wonderful group and I really enjoy our meetings. If you would like to read some Christmas memories and other things I've written, go here: http://treasuresfrommyheart.blogspot.com/- that will take you to my blog. I have enjoyed writing in it a lot more lately, as I make better use of my time and priorities.

Well, I'm wanting to keep this at two pages, so I better wrap things up. May God bless each and every one of you this Christmas season and cause your hearts to rejoice!

Christmas Present

2011-12-14T17:54:00.000-08:00

The other day I was lamenting to my husband about how I was concerned about our daughter coming home for Christmas to spend several days with us and how this might not feel like 'home' to her, because the changes we made since we moved back in, in January of this year, after the remodel.

We turned our former bedroom into a sitting room (both bedrooms are upstairs), where we spend a lot of time - we have our entertainment center and computer in that room along with a love seat and a rocker. Our daughter's bedroom became our room and the downstairs stayed pretty much the same with minor changes to how the furniture is arranged because of there no longer being an entertainment center or computer desk... it looks a lot more 'homey' now, with a lot more room.

Those changes are what made me fear our daughter not feeling like she was home - even though she has been home several times this year, it never really dawned on me until now, because Christmas is a holiday that has with it a sense of 'home' - in an "I'll be Home For Christmas" kind of way.

The other night my husband and I watched a movie called The Game of Your Life that someone taped for us off of NBC. In the movie this young college kid, Zach, longs to save his family's home from foreclosure. He did some things that were against the polices of the program he was in, and was put on probation for a week because of it. While he was home his dad let him know that home wasn't about a place on a city block somewhere, but it was about family, and about loving that family and being loyal to them, about family being together anywhere - and that's what home is. That really spoke to me - and really it's true. My folks no longer live in the house I grew up in, and haven't for years, but where they are - is 'home' and where I live with my honey, even if we were to move to some remote island, would be home, because we'd be together and that's the best place to be.

Christmas Memories Part 7

2011-12-13T09:16:00.000-08:00

The last door along the hallway of my Christmas memories, is last year, the Christmas of 2010. The Apartment Complex Remodel.

Three days before Christmas we had to move into a temporary apartment for several weeks while our place was being remodeled. We had boxes stacked in the under-the-stairs closet, floor to ceiling, plus boxes everywhere else, except the kitchen. We had been packed up for several days and I didn't have any Christmas decor up in our other place, except for our wreath over the porch light. When we got moved into the temporary place, I put up a few things here and there, but it was kind of hard with boxes everywhere.

It was the first year we didn't have a tree. So now this year, it's feeling weird to get one... and we usually would have had one by now. Anyway, I did buy a very small living tree at Trader Joe's. It was really pretty, and while it wasn't like having a normal sized tree, at least we had something.

Being in the other apartment was really weird, because it was set up exactly like our other apartment, and yet, it wasn't home. I realized how much I like our place, with the surroundings we have outside our doors, and well, it just being our place.We've lived here for over fifteen years.

We made the best of Christmas last year, and I still enjoyed baking and getting things ready for my family. That's what Christmas is about after all, family and being together, even if it was in temporary quarters.

I am happy to be home in our own place now, even though it's different here this year... but that's a topic for another blog.

...the soul felt it's worth...

2011-12-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a break from my Christmas memories to write something very close to my heart the last few days.

The other day I was thinking of the song, O Holy Night and was so struck by the line:

Long lay the world
In sin and error pining
Till He appeared
And the soul felt it's worth.

Oh my word... as I write this, the song just came on Pandora Radio...

Anyway... that phrase jumped into my heart and hasn't left. When Jesus appeared to take away the sins of the world, the soul then felt its worth. I am reminded of a construction paper poster my mom had up in our home when I was a teen. It was a yellow piece of paper written on with a marker: Being unworthy does not make me worthless. That has stayed with me all these years and I think of it every once in awhile. We aren't worthy of God's love - but that doesn't make us worthless.

Yesterday this fact was brought home to me as I read in God's Word from Ephesians 1:3-8 (emphasis mine), these words:

"How we praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we belong to Christ. Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure.

So, we praise God for the wonderful kindness he has poured out on us because we belong to his dearly loved Son. He is so rich in kindness that he purchased our freedom through the blood of his Son, and our sins are forgiven. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding."

I see such love in these words and my soul soars with the worth I feel. Joy bubbles up within me and I just want to sing and shout! How loved we are! To know that it gave God great pleasure to adopt us into His own family - wow!

I read a note in my Bible that says that in Roman law adopted children had the same rights and privileges as biological children and that Paul used this term to show how strong our relationship to God is. Wow again! He wants to spend time with me, with you. Yes! I'm reminded of the words in Romans I think it is, that says God love compels us... His love moves me to want to spend that time with Him, and this isn't something I've felt in a long time.

I love how God is so welcoming of us, no matter how long we've been away from spending time with Him. That's how much He loves us! Like the prodigal son's father in Luke 15 He watches and waits for us and throws a party when we return. Not that we even do what the prodigal son did, but wherever we stray in any way, putting distance between ourselves and God, I believe that He is there waiting, watching... always, for our return to Him, ready to "shower His kindness on us along with wisdom and understanding." He has so much for us! I want to more willingly receive what He has... that is my prayer...

A Delightful Christmas Read

2011-12-11T21:30:00.000-08:00

I just finished a delightful book by Cindy Woodsmall, an author of Amish fiction. The book is The Christmas Singing.

Once again I was drawn into the heart of Amish country and its ways. This is a story of heartbreak and betrayal, forgiveness and love.

Mattie left her home in Apple Ridge, Pennsylvania three years ago to live in Ohio with her brother after Gideon broke up with her, telling her he needed to be free and she did too, to date others.

Little did she know he was keeping a secret, a secret that became so heavy on his heart that it nearly destroyed who he was as a person. He learned that keeping secrets is hard work.

Mattie buries herself in setting up a cake shop, Mattie Cakes, and becomes well known as a cake maker and decorator. She also gets involved with another man to help shield her broken heart.

Through devastating circumstances she ends up back home in Pennsylvania with her parents and runs into Gideon, from the story unfolds in a way that kept me reading for a few hours, so I could finish this short story and find out what happened.

I was drawn to the story because it resonated with me on a personal level. I could relate well to the characters and to the storyline.

I highly recommend this book as a great Christmas gift for someone you love, or for a gift to yourself.

I received this book free from Waterbrook/Multnomah in exchange for this review.

Christmas Memories Part 6

2011-12-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

My mind darts ahead to the door of Christmas of 2003 and I enter it. (It sure seems like with more than fifty years on this planet I'd have a lot more Christmas memories than I do. Well, I guess I do, I'm just not sharing them all.)

December 22, 2003 is a day that will always stand out in my memory. My husband and I were on a 'date' to a town about twenty miles away from us. When we got there we thought it was very strange that the traffic lights weren't working and whole blocks were dim. It was the middle of the day, but we were used to seeing lights in the stores. We went to Barnes & Noble where we each got a hot drink and some goodies. As we sat by the windows enjoying our treats we looked down below to the square and wondered why SO many people were on their cell phones. It was just strange to see that much cell phone activity at once.

We left Barnes & Noble and were going to do some shopping and as we walked down the street we saw some people we knew from church. We asked them what was going on and they looked at us incredulously. "You don't know? There was a 6.5 earthquake."

Our eyes widened - we hadn't felt a thing as were driving along the freeway! Our then seventeen year old daughter was home by herself and we were very concerned. We didn't have cell phones so we made our way to a pay phone, but all circuits were busy, so we headed home. We had plans to stop and get some groceries on our way home, but ditched those plans. I tuned our radio to the local TV station so we could hear any news they had, when we heard that two people had already died we were even more frantic. We found out later that rather than staying in the store they were in they ran outside and that's what killed them. So sad... Anyway, my husband upped his speed to between 90-100 all the way home.

We pulled into our apartment complex and saw a carpet cleaning truck in front of our apartment with a long tube going inside, and Rebekah sitting out on the lawn in our small rocker that she'd apparently drug outside. We were sooo relieved she was OK. She had been at the computer and dashed under the table when the earthquake hit, right before the monitor fell forward (one of those heavy ones). The reason for the carpet cleaning service was because the water heater had burst and water had flowed from upstairs down to the living room/dining room. Our furniture was all pushed up against our tree with presents under it and the carpet was torn up and two huge fans were blowing on the carpet. I get tears even now, thinking about it. It didn't smell very good in here.

So, we left that night to go spend several days in a hotel in the town about five miles south of us, that our manager and her supervisor put us up in (they had to do that for seven different apartments). My husband worked at the town five miles north of us and we were left without a car, but we made the best of it... none of us had laptops then, so we read and watched a lot of TV. My mom brought us a couple of meals for dinner (we ate out some too) and we bought stuff for lunches (yay for fridges and microwaves in hotel rooms) and they had a wonderful continental breakfast. It was hardest on my husband to be in the hotel over Christmas and our holiday was a bit 'off' that year. We were all glad to get back home when things dried out, but it sure was sad to see our tree so neglected and not to be able to enjoyt and all our other Christmas decor, or do the baking I usually enjoyed at the holidays.

All in all though we were so thankful to God that we were all together and that He had protected us.

Christmas Memories Part 5

2011-12-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

I skipped a door on my way down the corridor of my memories.

The Christmas of 1993 we were living with Phil's mom, but I need to back up a little bit as to why we were living there. Our plan was to live with her for about six months so that we could save up a down payment for a mobile home. We had been living in my folks' house for about 4 years, as they had moved to California, and they decided to sell it, so it was a perfect plan to move in with Phil's mom.

The third night we were there, Phil had a really low blood sugar (he's diabetic) and was unconscious. We had to call 911 and they ended up taking him to the hospital. While he was there it was discovered that he was anemic, thus began a slew of tests to find out why. Finally after a month of testing, they found out he was in kidney failure. That was hard news to hear, but then about a week after that we were told that if he didn't quit his job, with how his health was, it would kill him. He had just been made manager of the camera store he was working at. He quit with no notice and suddenly we were left without an income.

God in His great love and mercy for us, provided in miraculous ways.

Then came Christmas. My parents sent us tickets to fly out to California to have Christmas with them. That is a Christmas I'll never forget, because I have a brother who doesn't celebrate Christmas, but that year, because we were there, he and his family invited us over to their place to just be together as a family. Isn't that what Christmas is about, after all? Family?

We also enjoyed being with my folks and helping them decorate their tree. It was just so nice to be with my family. And it was so nice and warm that year. It was quite something to be outdoors with no jackets on!

That was such a difficult time for us with Phil being so sick (over the months the kidney failure just made him sicker and sicker). But we had moments of joy... and being with my family that Christmas was a very bright spot in a dark time. Our daughter really needed it too. It wasn't easy for her, living with Phil's mom and feeling like she had three parents, and having to sleep in the living room where all our belongings were packed in boxes, floor to ceiling. She had a corner of the room for her twin bed and a small dresser at the end... so that was a special Christmas for her.

Christmas Memories Part 4

2011-12-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

Continuing on down the hallway of my memories, I stop at a door marked Forgiveness. It is the Christmas of 1995. Earlier that year I had written to a family member who hurt me deeply when I was a child. I told this person that I had had a dream that they died and things weren't settled between us and I knew I needed to extend forgiveness even though it hadn't been asked of me. I didn't hear anything back but had peace in my heart that all was well.

When Christmas came we had a family gathering at another family member's house. There were a lot of people there and we were able to talk without anyone knowing what we were talking about, as may conversations were going on. Tears were shed by both of us and a sincere apology given.

Years of pain and remorse were washed away in that one evening of family togetherness as Christ's light shone in our hearts and forgiveness was given the only way true forgiveness can be given, with the help of God alone. For it is He who enabled me to do what to the world, was a seemingly an impossible act of grace.

Do I still remember what was done to me? Sure I do. But the pain of that memory is no longer there, nor is it a noose around my heart. God in His great love has washed it away, because He enabled me to forgive. Unforgiveness hurts us more than the one we are holding it against. It poisons our soul and creates a grip of anger so strong that we can forget who we are as a person, for it steals from us that which is precious... a forgiving heart, a free heart. I'm so thankful that God gave me the ability to forgive so that I could move on with Him.

God gave us the greatest forgiveness of all when He sent His Son, His only Son to earth as a baby - to one day die so that we could one day ask Him to save us.

For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

That is the epitome of forgiveness and why, when we accept that gift we are able to truly forgive as well.

Christmas Memories Part 3

2011-12-08T12:03:00.000-08:00

The Christmas of 1985 will be a Christmas that always stands out in my mind when I walk down the halls of my Christmas memories. I was six months pregnant with our daughter, very much anticipating her March arrival.

That Christmas was very different for us with my husband's family because his dad was in the hospital after having had part of his leg amputated. Looking back now I realize that my Father-in-law was a really godly influence at that time, because while it was hard for him, he didn't complain about things.

He was in the hospital over Christmas so we took Christmas there. The nursing staff allowed us to set up a small tree with decorations, and we also decorated the bar over the bed that had something hanging from it to help him shift in bed and pull himself up to a sitting position.
Love flowed in that room as we celebrated our Savior's birth by singing Christmas carols, listening to Dad read the Christmas story and exchanging gifts.

It seemed the most natural thing in the world to have Christmas that year in a hospital room. We made the most of a situation that otherwise could have been very difficult. I'm thankful for the Christian heritage my husband has and that when life had hard moments they saw a way to make the best out of them, instead of wallowing in self-pity.

Christmas Memories Part 2

2011-12-07T09:58:00.000-08:00

The Christmas of 1983 I was working in a Nursing Home in the kitchen. I was the person who did the 'behind the scenes' work; making desserts, jellos, doing the snack cart, etc. On this particular Christmas I was newly engaged with a wedding date set for June 23, 1984. I was 22 at the time.

I was working on Christmas Day and it was cold outside! All of a sudden the water pipes, which were above on the ceiling, burst. What a mess that was! I think they were right over the stove area if I remember right. This happened right when lunch was being served. I was called to serve lunch so the head gal could work with cleaning up the mess.

My hubby-to-be picked me up from work that day so I could go have Christmas with his family. I felt very welcomed by them all.

That was a good and memorable Christmas.

Christmas Memories Part 1

2011-12-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

I have decided to do some blogs on Christmas memories from when I was still living at home to the present day. I'm not sure how many I'll write, but this will be fun. Going back into yesteryear is delightful when it's for sentimental reasons and remembering pleasant things in our lives. It's also good at times for going back and seeing what shaped us into the people we are today...

The first memory is when I was about seven or eight. I don't remember for sure, but my brother was about three or four and we had gone downtown to go shopping for Christmas. My dad took Jeff into the 88 Cents store and my mom and I and maybe my twin brother went somewhere else; the details are fuzzy. Anyway, we met Dad and Jeff back in front of the 88 Cents store and Dad was holding Jeff in his arms and he held out a small black and yellow striped, stuffed tiger, and said, "This is what I got you for Christmas, Pam!"

That little tiger was well loved and I still have it to this day with its matted fur and missing eye. It's funny, I don't remember opening it on Christmas Eve (that's when we usually did our family Christmas) nor do I remember playing with it, or maybe even sleeping with it, but the memory of Jeff being so cute outside that store, is something that has stayed with me for over 40 years.

I would love to share in your Christmas memories if you have any to share with me in a comment.

God bless you all in this Christmas season as we celebrate the greatest gift ever given - Jesus come to earth to die for our sins and give us life abundant here on earth (John 10:10) and life in heaven with Him for eternity.

Three Books - One Message

2011-11-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

Heartache, betrayal, loss, forgiveness and God's faithfulness are the themes that are woven throughout Karen Kingsbury's trilogy, Forever Faithful. The main theme though is God's faithfulness.

In the first book, Waiting for Morning, Hannah Ryan is devastated by the loss of her husband and oldest daughter to a drunk driver crashing into their car as they and her youngest daughter, Jenny, were returning from their annual camping trip before school resumed in the fall. Hannah waited at home for them, only to never have them return home.

Upon learning what happened, Hannah's heart is filled with bitterness and rage and she turns her back on God, determined to see the man who was the cause of her heartache, rot in jail. Her youngest daughter is left to fend for herself and pain eats away at both of them as they grow farther and farther apart.

It is Hannah's husband's final words that finally bring healing to Hannah's, and thus, Jenny's heart, and she learns that despite her turning her back on God, He never once turned His back on her. He is... Forever Faithful.

A Moment of Weakness, the second book is the story of Jade and Tanner, childhood friends, when Jade and her dad moved thousands of miles away. As adults, they reunite, having a beautiful summer together until one act of indiscretion tears them apart because of subsequent deceit and impulsive decisions.

Ten years later they are brought back together when Jade contacts Tanner's law firm to have him represent her in a custody battle against her husband, who has been unfaithful. They discover that their love for each other has never dimmed, and God again is... Forever Faithful.

In the third book, Halfway to Forever, the two families are united, as close friends, as Hannah's new husband, Matt, works for Tanner. Heartache abounds for both families, as life-threatening illness and parental losses crash into their lives, threatening their faith once again.

In the end they all learn that God promises that in this life we will have tribulation, but that He is... Forever Faithful.

What I enjoyed about these books is the very real struggles the characters went through, and the showing of working through those struggles and being very honest with themselves, each other and God in the end, and letting Him show Himself... Forever Faithful despite our actions and wandering hearts.

I received this book free from Multnomah/Waterbrook in exchange for this review.

Diagnosis

2011-11-17T07:03:00.000-08:00

This last Monday morning at 8:30 the PA from my Dr.'s office called, and I had a feeling when the phone rang that it was going to be her... because I knew she would have had the report from the Dr. who was supposed to do the biopsy. I was so pleased that she was right on it. She told me that she wanted me to see an endocrinologist this week and recommended someone an hour's drive from here. I got a call later though, from the receptionist telling me that this Dr. didn't have any openings until the end of the month, but they had put me on a cancellation list.

I got a few people praying on it right away and that evening around 5:00 the endocrinologist's office called telling me they had a cancellation and were looking to fill it the next morning! Wow... talk about God answering that one fast! His fingers were all over this... He is so very faithful to us and His plans are perfect - even if I would have had to wait until the end of the month. :o)

I called my folks right away and my dad said he would take me, or both of them would... it ended up that they both did and my mom went in to the appointment with me. I think it's always good to have an extra set of ears, not to mention the support! I was so thankful they were able to take me.

When I was finally seen I mentioned to the Dr. that I was supposed to have had a biopsy on Friday and he said, "It's not cancer." He then went on to explain what it was after having put the puzzle pieces together, so to speak. My thyroid is inflamed from a virus (something as simple as a cold can cause this)! And because of the inflammation is leaking thyroid hormone into my bloodstream. Thus, all the symptoms I was having. According to a chart on the back of the door, I had/have symptoms of both hypo and hyperthyroidism.

The Dr. put me on three different medications - a quick acting ant-inflammatory to be taken for five days, and another to be taken for 30 days. he also put me on a beta blocker to help my heart rate, since because of this condition, my pulse was high (114 the day of my visit to him).

I am already feeling some better and my pulse is down to 84. I find myself gaining some strength/energy back but know I still need to rest and be careful not to overdo.

I am so very thankful for the PA at my Dr.'s office for being so on top of all this. I first saw her on October 28 and am so pleased at how quickly she made sure things got done. I'm also grateful beyond words to God for orchestrating all the necessary appointments like he did. Being able to get an ultrasound the same day as my appointment with Linda, having a cancellation then for the nuclear scan and not needing the biopsy. In just a little over three weeks after this all started, I had my diagnosis.

I pray that through this all I will trust God more and take better care of my health.

Mish-Mash

2011-11-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning when I dropped my husband off at work, I didn't realize I had parked in the 'crosswalk' going into Walmart, until an elderly man approached the car... I saw him shake his head, and as he walked past, he pursed his lips, and pointed down and moved his finger back and forth. I was so hurt by that. Why, I don't know, but as I turned down the parking lot I had tears in my eyes, and I had to pull into a spot, so I could pull myself together before driving on home. I literally cried about this... even thinking about it now, makes me get a little teary.

I don't know if it's because of my health that I'm more emotional lately, or what... but I do know that I have definitely been prone to more tears and much more sensitive. I'm sure that my body being in a constant state of fatigue doesn't help matters any. I'm not used to being so wiped out. Sure, I haven't slept well in years, but this is different, something I can't just push through and if I'm honest I think that makes me angry. I don't like that my body is so 'fragile' right now and that I'm having to rely on others... that I had to ask for help from our church - don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that they are willing to help with meals and with cleaning, but it was hard to ask. My pride stood up and said, forget it. I told it to be quiet as I knew I needed help.

It is still not certain what is wrong with me, but it has something to do with my thyroid. I was scheduled for a biopsy Friday that didn't happen. Long story short, the Dr. who was going to do my biopsy read the nuclear scan and had a different interpretation than the radiologist. He believes all the iodine went to a large nodule on the right side, and that's why cancer was suspected on the left side. There are many nodules on the left side but they didn't show anything. The nodule on the right is overactive and therefore sucked up all the iodine. Makes sense to me... He wasn't able to get a hold of my Dr. to find out whether or not to go ahead... he believes I need to see an endocrinologist. So, I might still have a biopsy in the future, just not now...

I feel a peace about it. But at the same time I have been second guessing that peace, and the enemy of my soul has tried to weasel his way in and steal my joy and peace and hope. Fear lurks around the corner peering at me with beady eyes. My defense is the Word of God and prayer, as well as the name of Jesus.

One thing that was really cool was a picture in the room where I was waiting to have the biopsy done. I've always loved serene pictures; pictures of pathways and doors especially. The painting in the room was a picture of a white door going into a house. The door had a brass knocker and over the door was a trellis with vines of flowers. As I gazed at that picture and was reminded of Revelation 3:20 (NLT) “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends." In another translation it reads that He will come in and dine with me... but when I was looking at that picture I was thinking that Jesus would come in and share a meal with me and that He wants to. That was so comforting to me. It made me think that Jesus wants an intimate relationship with me and I need to open the door to my heart much more often for that sweet communion.

Yesterday morning when I had calmed down after the man glared at me, I was able to say a prayer for him. I want this time to bring me closer to Jesus. I want to say with the psalmist, "I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth." (Psalm 121) I recently put this picture as my desktop picture. When I look at it I feel like I'm the scrub brush looking up at the hills. I'm kind of dry and scraggly right now, but know that the Lord is my strength - He is my help. The road going through the scrub brush is my life - a journey to the top of the mountain, where I need to fix my eyes - Jesus. The journey is at times strenuous and daunting, the hill difficult to climb, but knowing where my hope lies and who is holding my hand along the way makes all the difference.

Pet Peeves

2011-11-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

This topic came to mind again recently when someone posted on a forum I belong to... "Let's Talk About Pet Peeves."

Now, there are things that annoy me, no doubt. Things I shake my head at and just get plain upset at.

However, why in the world would I want to make a pet out of something that annoys me? A pet is something that we take care of; nurture, love, feed, take for walks -- it being the appropriate animal to take for a walk, that is. I don't think anyone would take a snake for a walk, but then again, you never know.

And seriously, if they were truly pets, wouldn't we be thinking of them more often than when they annoy us? Usually pet peeves are something we have sitting on the shelf until they bother us again, right? So, if I really want to make a pet out of something that peeves me, I think I'll build a shelter for it, go to the store and buy it peeve food, and set out a water dish for it. Oh yeah, buy a peeve bed for it too, unless I decide I want it to curl up on the bed with me to sleep and keep me warm at night.

What's my pet peeve? Well, there are things that annoy me, that I'm trying to learn to 'just let go', however, my biggest pet peeve is people having pet peeves. ;o)

Delightful Read

2011-11-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

If you never read another fiction book, Wonderland Creek by Lynn Austin is a piece of fiction that should not be missed. This is by far one of the best books I have read in a long time, and I read a lot of books. If it was possible I would give this book ten stars.

Alice Ripley lives in Illinois with her parents. She works in a library and has a boyfriend who suddenly breaks up with her. She then loses her job at a library because of cutbacks during the Great Depression. Her world falls apart.

Alice always has her nose in a book and this has become her reality, until she decides to travel to Kentucky to deliver five boxes of donated books to the small mining town of Acorn. When she arrives she is taken back in time. There is no running water, no electricity and books are delivered to those who live in the hills by women on horse.

At the beginning of the book, Alice doesn't really know who she is. On the day she leaves for Kentucky her father admonishes her to remember who she is. The answer her father had drummed into her was that she was a child of God and therefore needed to act like one. But when he tells her this on leaving all she can think of is that she used to be able to say that she was Gordon's girlfriend and a librarian at the Blue Island Public Library. Now she can say neither of those things, and wonders who she really is.

Alice at first sees everything through the eyes of the books she's read, but as time goes on she learns to really live, to get to know people, and to care for them in a deeper way, not just talking about what she's read in a book, but wanting to truly know about the lives of the people with whom she comes in contact.

Lillie, a former One hundred year old former slave becomes one of Alice's dearest friends and she learns a lot from this woman, who is nearly eighty years older than her. At one point she tells Alice, "...sometimes when people work for God, they get the idea that He should make their life all smooth and easy because they're doing His work."

Alice retorts that He should.

Lillie says, "It ain't so. Jesus said life is gonna be hard. Period. He said if you're gonna follow Him, then you're gonna carry a cross just like He did. This world of ours is under a curse, honey. We need to expect things to be bad. But even if we lose everything, we still have Jesus."

This is just one of many tidbits of wisdom passed on to Alice by the wizened old woman, who has seen much in her life.

Wonderland Creek is just that, a book filled with the wonder of learning to really live.

I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for this review.

Garbage/Recycling

2011-11-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was driving home from Trader Joe's I noticed garbage cans and recycle cans lined up along the road. I was thinking how once a week people put their garbage cans out for the trash guys to come along and take their garbage away, but how we as Christians should be putting our garbage out there every day for God to take away. We should ask Him to search our hearts like it mentions in Psalm 139:23, 24 Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is not something I do daily. Maybe part of me thinks that I don't have daily sin... but I know I do... or maybe I think that God can just recycle me... hmm... interesting thing to think about... God wants to make us new creations... and maybe we try to recycle ourselves. We do this and this and this to be 'better people' whereas God wants to make us new and He tells us in Philippians 1:6 that He will complete the work He began in us. Our 'job' is to surrender ourselves to Him and let Him do His work, resting in Him, and being willing to accept with joy, His will for our lives. I want to learn to be less of a complainer and more of a rejoicer, having a grateful heart always, no matter what comes my way, because there is always something I can be thankful for.

I want to, as I mentioned in a previous blog post (Riding Bike), learn to live life as an adventure with God, to know that He has my best interests at heart and He will NOT do wrong by me. Ever. I want to learn that He is crazy about me as I mentioned in my last book review. Someone who is crazy about me, will want to do only what is good for me. I heard a bit of a message on the radio yesterday and the pastor was talking about how God only gives us good things, meaning things that are good for us. And so it could be that the Mazda Miata we want isn't good for us, or in my case A Mini Cooper... lol Anyway... I liked how the pastor pointed that out. Too many times I know that I can think that the hard things that come my way, or the things that don't come my way that I want, really aren't fair. But I need to remember that God is doing what is good for me, what is growing me up to be the woman He wants me to be.

So, I need to set my garbage can out every day and ask Him to show me my heart and reveal to me anything that I need to ask His forgiveness for, so that each day I can be a fresh canvas for Him to work on, or so that the canvas He's already working on won't be marred by stains, but have the beauty of His hand, creating strokes of genius. Because, after all, only God can make a masterpiece and what a wonder it is, that He wants to make one out of me.

A Book of Honesty in Faith

2011-10-31T20:10:00.000-07:00

My Life and Lesser Catastrophes by Christina Schofield is a book that drew me in from the first page. It is an honest portrayal of one woman's journey of faith after tragedy hits her well ordered life.

Christina looks for and finds lessons in simple things. For example one night she had to reset all the clocks in the house because of a power outage and as she was pressing the buttons on the microwave it asked her the date. She was grumping about why the microwave needed to know the date as it just needed to know how to cook a bag of popcorn. But as she says, "the cheesy philosophical side of me made some deep connection, though. I thought, Hey, maybe it's that way for God. We bombard Him with questions He doesn't really think we need to know the answers to. He just wants us to trust Him.

"I found myself praying, "God, how much peace do I miss out on because I worry about things You don't care about--ambitions, back fat, heap-piles of laundry, dishes and undone and premature signs of aging? thanks for such a good life. You've been amazing to me, and I'm sorry for every moment that I've failed to acknowledge You.

"At times I couldn't help but feel like a phony when I tried to be upbeat. But sometimes I really, truly felt grateful way down deep, in spite of our troubles--even though I know that must sound impossible."

This no-holding-back book made me stand up and take notice of my own faith and realize that it's okay to have doubts and to throw them out there. God knows them anyway. It also made me have a bit more of a glimpse about how crazy God is about us. And, I also found myself wanting to look at the difficulties in my life as an adventure with God. I want to, like the author, spend more time in the Word and get to know the God of the Bible in a deeper way, because like she said, "When we invest ourselves in God's Word, when it becomes part of us, our identity, we begin to seek and pray for His will to be done. Those are prayers He's eager to answer!"

This is a book I can't recommend enough. If you find yourself in a dark place, with doubts and questions and if your faith has been shaken to the core, this book can help you to get a firm footing under you again. Nothing though, can ever take the place of the Bible, but this book can certainly help lead you to it.

I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for this review.

Riding Bike

2011-10-30T17:03:00.000-07:00

There is a road near us that I drive quite frequently and coming one direction on it, I am reminded of riding bike when I was a girl/teenager. What a thrill it was for me going down hills and feeling the wind rush through my hair. I loved taking this one hill, and then turning the corner to go to my friend's house; there was something about it that almost spelled danger and simply brought out the adventurer in me.

Where did that adventurer go? I think she's still there, she's just hiding. When I think of being adventurous in ways that I used to be, it seems like physically I couldn't do those things any more, like climbing on rocks and climbing trees... but what about my having an adventurous spirit and seeing the things I'm going through now with my physical health as an adventure with God? Granted, the things that are most likely 'wrong' with me are probably not real serious, but they have left me fatigued.

Shouldn't my whole life be an adventure with God, since He is always with me and He has my best interests at heart?

I have just given myself a lot to think about.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Disappointed (book review)

2011-10-23T20:48:00.001-07:00

The book A Sound Among the Trees by Susan Meissner is not a book I can recommend. I don't like giving a bad review, but I cannot in good conscience do anything else. While this book did pull me in, I was disappointed that not once did any of the characters call out to God for help and that on more than one occasion His name was misused, along with other inappropriate language sprinkled here and there. In my opinion this is totally unnecessary, especially in a book written by a Christian.

I was uncomfortable while I read this and couldn't wait to be done so I could write my review and have it done with. The reason I was uncomfortable is that a medium is brought into the book to get a 'feel' for the house and for the presence of a ghost that is causing the women of Holly Oak to all have problems.

Now, upon reading what this book was about, I could have chosen not to pick it to do a book review on, but I was really hoping that it would be dealt with in a manner in keeping with Christian values and principles, especially since it's written by a pastor's wife. It was not. I was left extremely uncomfortable in the end as I felt this book was greatly lacking in many areas. I kept hoping that, as I said, Christian values and principles would be brought in, but that didn't happen until the end of the book where an encounter with God is talked about, and this character (Caroline) is then talking with her mother (Adelaide) about the fact that there never was a ghost, nor was there a curse on the house (people just believed what they wanted to). That conversation bringing up spiritual things is the only time that a relationship with God is alluded to in this book and that's four to five pages from the end.

There are many uplifting books to our Christian faith to be had. Unfortunately, this book isn't one of them.

I received this book free from Waterbrook/Multnomah in exchange for this review.

Mystery Abounds...

2011-10-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

To Have and To Hold (set in the late 1800's) by Tracie Peterson and Judith Miller, is a delightful book with strong undertones of spiritual conviction and characters seeing their need to grow and change, even the elderly Aunt Thora, who throughout the book is quite cantankerous, but endearing.

If you like mysteries, then this book is definitely for you as there is a definite mysterious 'air' to it.

One of the main characters, Audrey, is suspicious in many ways and has to learn to trust her Father, who used to be given to drink.

At one point in the book Audrey's Father says to her: "I know it's hard to set aside fear and place all your trust in God--even when you're my age, it can be difficult. But believe me, the reward is worth pushing yourself to trust Him." He pulled her close. "I have faith that you're going to be just fine, Audrey. I'm trusting God to make certain of that--and I pray you'll do the same."

The other main character, Marshall has to come to terms with a bitter heart as his Father died, never having given up alcohol.

Marshall is at one time talking with Audrey's Father and says to him, "I hope Audrey heeds his words, for he's surely given me much to think about. He's made me understand that nothing will change the past and that I have a choice. I can use the painful experiences from the past as an excuse for failure, or I can learn from them and create a fresh start in life."

I really like how Aunt Thora changes throughout the book. As she and Audrey are talking one day, they are talking about Proverbs 3:5-6 and this conversation follows:

"That's a hard one," Thora murmured. She picked at a loose string along the hem of the sheet. "I know God is a better judge of what's best for us, but trusting with your whole heart--that's a hard one for me." There was a slight twinkle in her eyes when she looked at Audrey. "I do my best to pray and ask God to guide me, but I'm not always so quick to give in if His answer
don't meet up with what I think is best. After all these years, it seems I still haven't learned to completely trust Him."

"How do you know when it's what you want and when it's what the Lord wants?"

Thora shifted to her side. "Well, the best way I can explain it is that once I've prayed, I'll get a nudging deep inside that let's me know if I'm headed in the right direction or the wrong one. Usually the wrong direction is the one I'd like to take." She cackled and shook her head. "The good Lord has had a time trying to teach me, that's for sure. Probably why I'm still on this earth. There's just too much that still needs fixing."

For me this book ended too quickly with some loose ends that needed tying up, but all in all it was a very enjoyable read.

I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for this review.

Light Blockers

2011-09-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

Usually when I drive home on the 101 after taking my husband to work, I have to put the visor to the side, because of where the sun is in the sky at that time of the morning. This morning there were clouds in the sky. I took note that the sun was being blocked, although not completely. When I glanced over there I was surprised to see that a very thin cloud was what was hindering the sun from shining fully on me.

At that moment the Lord spoke to my heart, about how sin can block the light of His presence from shining fully in my life. I may think that "it's just a little sin" so it won't hurt any. Yes, it will. Anything that is done selfishly, for my own motives and desires, will, indeed, block His light from radiating in my life.

I have thought about sin quite a bit now and then... thinking how I don't really have 'any sin in my life.' Who do I think I'm kidding with thoughts like that? I need to be much more aware of sin in my life and ask God to help me hate it. Jesus died for ALL sin, and even what I think of as 'little sins' are part of what nailed him to the cross.

I want to be more aware so I can keep short accounts and seek God's forgiveness immediately. I am so thankful that when I confess my sin to God that He is faithful and just to forgive my sin and to cleanse me from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

I don't want a even a thin layer of sin blocking His light from shining in my heart.

Learning...

2011-09-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

That's what the book A Most Unsuitable Match by Stephanie Grace Whitson is all about for the two main characters, Fannie Rousseau and Samuel Beck. They meet aboard a steamboat bound for Montana in 1869 and a friendship is born.

Fannie has her maid with her as she travels, and thinking herself wise and not needing to listen to the sage advice of her wizened maid, she learns the hard way, that listening to her and following her advice is the best thing she can do.

Fannie is on a search to find out about her family and the secrets she knows are somewhere out there, after she finds letters from an aunt she never knew she had, after her mother's death. Her mother never loved her like Fannie thought a mother should. Throughout her 'journey' she learns that love doesn't always show itself like we think it should.

Samuel is wanting to make up for past failures that plague him and he's searching for someone as well.

Each ones 'journey' takes them to unexpected places, not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.

I grew to love each major character in this well-written novel.

At one point while still aboard the steamboat Fannie finds Samuel reading his deceased mother's Bible and asks him if the words give him comfort, because he expressed that he knew they gave his mother comfort.

Here is a little excerpt from that passage:

"He seemed to ponder that for a moment before answering. “Yes I think they do.” He turned a few more pages. “Because of this.” He read aloud, “ 'Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.' ” He held up one hand. “Here's what I know,” he said, holding his other hand opposite it. “Here's what I don't.” He nodded at the space between his two hands. “That's where faith lives. In the unseen space between the two.” He smiled. “I think that's where hope lives too.”

Fannie waved her hand through the space between Samuel's. “All I see is empty air.”

“I'm beginning to think that from God's side of things there's no such thing as empty.” He shrugged. “But then as soon as I think I have that figured out, I get confused again.” He made a fist and rapped his own head with his knuckles. “And then I decide it's my head that's empty.”

Fannie laughed with him. She glanced down at Mrs. Pilsner's Bible. What if that book really did contain words fro the mind of God who'd made the river they were on . . . and everything stretching away from it . . . and all the rivers of the world. Oh, everyone believed God created the world in an intellectual sense. But Samuel was talking about a belief that was more than that. It seemed that his mother had had the kind of faith that took the words out of that book and put them into decisions she made in her life. That was a far different kind of faith than Fannie knew. She prayed . . . but she was never certain anyone was listening. What would her life look like if she were more certain? What if she actually sought out the words in the Bible and let them rule her life? The idea was at once fascinating . . . and terrifying."

So, this book is a journey of faith, growth and ultimately finding out that we are made of much stronger stuff than we think, especially if we find that strength from God to move forward through any circumstance we might meet along the way on this journey called life.

I received this book free from Bethany House publishers in exchange for this review.

Words Unspoken by Elizabeth Musser

2011-09-11T18:53:00.000-07:00

I don't usually do reviews other than books I get from Bethany House and Waterbrook/Multnomah, for just that purpose, but I just finished a book that deserves a review! Words Unspoken by Elizabeth Musser.

I have to admit that when I first started reading this book I was rather confused, but I stuck it out and was glad I did, because it all meshed together in the end. I don't want to give too much away, and I hope I don't. This book is profound in its message, the characters believable and real.

What I really like about this book is the fact that it's not a romance, but a book about overcoming... It's also about consciences being pricked, and either making right or wrong choices and the consequences of those choices. It's about redemption. It's about hearing voices, and choosing to not believe the lies that those voices tell us... it's a book of learning to let go, and moving forward in growth.

I know that I'm being extremely vague, but I really don't want to give anything away. This book touched my profoundly and I am glad to have read it.

2011-09-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight while in a room in our house with an open window I was really annoyed at hearing the children outside being noisy in their play. I started wondering why in the world that would bother me. They were just children being children and having fun. Yet, I found myself wanting to shut the window to block them out.

The thought came to me that maybe I was annoyed, even angry, at hearing them because I never had any more children. How could something that I have settled in my heart several years ago all of a sudden bother me again? I'm 50 years old now, and have a 25 year old daughter... I came to terms with the fact of never having any more children seven years ago. before I had my hysterectomy. I know that God brought me to terms with that, and in fact, lead me to a book I needed right before my surgery... The Blessing Book by Linda Dillow. It had a four week study in the back that took me right up to the day or so before surgery. It was a book that helped me so much and brought much healing to my heart.

I suppose though, that there will always be an empty spot in my heart where I had so much room for more children. There are still memories from that time of longing for more children that create pain in me when I think about them... so maybe I shouldn't be surprised at what crossed my heart tonight.

And when those things happen, be ready to pray for those who are suffering like I did, either with secondary infertility, or infertility (never having children at all). I do pray God can use me to minister to those who are hurting like I did.

A Hard to Put Down Read!

2011-08-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Cindy Woodsmall has done it again, with her third and final book of the Ada's House series, Harvest of Grace. She has written a book that is compelling and hard to put down. Woven throughout the book are stories of several different people, needing to let go of hurt, anger, and betrayal in order to forgive and move on with the lives God has intended for them.

Each character is unique in personality, but the same when it comes to letting go of hurt in their lives, in order to let God do His work in and through them. I thoroughly enjoyed the development of each character and seeing how God got a hold of their hearts in the end.

We also see the conclusion of other characters from the previous books, and how God brings these people together in a lasting love.

Even though this book is a work of fiction, reading about the Amish culture is intriguing. This line in the epilogue regarding Cara, says it well: It was becoming apparent to her that the strength to live plain came from God, a supportive family, and dedicated ministers. Some things were worth every sacrifice it took to have them--and for her, this life was one of them.

Wonderful Retelling of the Book of Ruth

2011-07-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

Mine is the Night by Liz Curtis Higgs is an excellent work of fiction, retelling the story of the book of Ruth. It shines as the sequel to Here Burns My Candle. Had I read the book without reading the first book, it would have made an impact, but reading it after made it even more so.

Seeing the change in the main characters from the first book to the second was wonderfully done. Elisabeth ("Ruth)" and Marjory ("Naomi") both grow in their faith in the Lord and in their relationship with each other.

Once Elisabeth embraces the Lord as her Savior, her faith takes off by leaps and bounds. She learns to trust completely and to forgive a husband who wronged her terribly in the first book. She also learns that all men aren't the same, especially when they embrace faith in God as she does.

Marjory, plagued by guilt, learns to let go of it and to see God as loving and merciful, leaving behind her fretful, complaining ways, to shine as an example of what it means to fully trust God and let Him have His way in our lives.

Lord Jack Buchanan ("Boaz") is a well-developed character and I could clearly see the qualities of his biblical counterpart in this fictional retelling - in fact - I could see it in each of the main characters. Liz Curtis Higgs did a phenomenal job of portraying each character, and, as I said before in showing their growth.

I appreciate books with depth to them, and Mine is the Night is absolutely one such book.

I received this book free from Waterbrook/Multnomah in exchange for this review.

My Best Friend

2011-06-24T17:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my husband and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary. I write this blog post to honor him and in memory of our anniversary.

Recently as I was thumbing through my latest issue of Real Simple magazine I came across a blog contest - the topic being to write who you're surprised to be friends with.The prize: a month long guest blog on Simply Stated at Real Simple magazine's website to write about friendships/relationships. Since I don't think,that if I won, I could write that much on that subject, I decided to just write about it here on my blog, without entering the contest. Besides,the contest was limited to 300 words, and I don't know that I could say what I have to say in so few words, but then again, maybe I can. In any case, I also doubt I could win, and I simply want to write this as a tribute to my husband.

So, by now you've probably figured out that the person I'm surprised to be friends with is my husband. Sure, we were friends before we became a couple, but I guess I never really thought of us being friends after we got married. Being friends and being a couple are two completely different things, or so I used to think.

The main reason I'm surprised to be friends with my husband is because when I was growing up I didn't see friendship displayed in any of the marriages I witnessed on a regular basis, the main one being my parents' marriage. Followed by my grandparents and my aunts and uncles. My parents loved each other, I knew that, but I never once thought of them as being friends. Then again, I'm sure that as a child I had a very narrow view of friendship. I had girlfriends and that was it. I had guy friends too, over the years, but it never once occurred to me that a married couple could be friends and should be friends.

If I wasn't friends with my husband our marriage would be pretty boring. What is marriage without friendship? Isn't it merely two people simply co-existing side by side?

My husband is my best friend. Besides God, he knows me better than anyone. I am always amazed that no matter how much I try to hide how I'm feeling (if it's negative) he usually knows. He knows, because he loves me and because he is my friend. He is the friend of my heart, my soul mate.

We share life, love, laughter. Ideas, hopes, fears, dreams. We have been through a lot together, he and I. How could he not be my best friend? He encourages me and makes my heart sing. He is self-sacrificing, often putting my needs above his own. He wants the best for me, so much so that if he sees me walking on a path I shouldn't he'll tell me, or not tell me, if he senses God telling him to just be quiet and pray, so that I can figure it out for myself. We share so much of ourselves with each other and still have room to continue learning to know each other and to grow in our relationship as friends and as husband and wife.

I think because we have grown into such great friends, it has made us see each other differently. There is more of a mutual sharing/caring and less having to prove something to each other. There is also a lot less arguing, and more of a gentleness between us when we have things that need to be discussed. We can, after 27 years, converse on difficult issues without raising our voices or attacking one another. It truly is a beautiful thing, because God has made it so, as He's molded and shaped us more and more into the image of His Son, and will continue doing so as we yield our hearts, our marriage, our friendship, to Him.

I know without a doubt that God brought us together, lead us to marriage 27 years ago, to grow us into the best friends we are today.

I am grateful.

From Despair to Hope (book review & book give away)

2011-06-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Life In Spite of Me by Kristen Jane Anderson with Tricia Goyer is the true story of Kristen, a young woman, who at the age of seventeen, laid down on the train tracks near her home, as a train came barreling down them, in order to take her life. Her suicide attempt failed, because God had plans for this young woman and He saved her life, giving her a second chance.

This book is a journey of Kristen's life after that day, plus back-story of what lead up to her attempt at suicide. It goes from despair to hope, and chronicles Kristen's growing faith in God how He alone can transform a life.

We get a glimpse into Kristen's heart as she learns to walk with God, realizing that she has to do it with Him, not try and make changes on her own.

At one point she was able to share with a man part of her own journey and she says this to him:

"It helps me to know that even when I don't have plans for myself, I can trust that God has plans for me. Even when I don't have hope, he has hope for me. And even when I don't see a future for myself, he does. I just have to have faith."

She shared this based on Jeremiah 29:11 where it talks about God having plans to give us hope and a future.

Kristen was in counseling for a few years and her counselor once told her: "Kristen, as long as you have Jesus in your life, you're not missing anything. You are a whole person in Christ. Try to follow him instead of your feelings."

That really spoke to me in my own life... how many times do we think we're not whole for one reason or another? With Christ we are whole!

Kristen went on to learn more and more to walk with God and to let Him be her strength.

God had a plan for this young woman and she is flourishing in His love and letting Him use her in ways she never imagined.

I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah Publishers in exchange for this review.

~~~~~~~~~~

I received two copies of this book as a mistake and since they made the mistake they told us to have a blog give away, donate it to our church or public library, so I'm having a give away... after I get the coding on here from blogging for books that lets you rank my review (have to post this here first, then to blogging for books w/ my web address).So please check back in and rank my review and let me know in a comment that you've done so and in about a week I'll draw a name - and notify the winner on this post.

July 13, 2011 - I'm so sorry I forgot I had said I would notify a winner in this post... there were some people from other sites who not able to leave a comment here, so I entered them in the drawing, and I also extended the drawing since not very many comments were being left here. The winner was an online friend who was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer.

A Gripping Read (book review)

2011-06-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

The Sweetest Thing by Elizabeth Musser is a story of faith shaken to the core, shallow hearts, secrets revealed, mystery and faith gained.

Anne Perrin (Perri) Singleton and Mary Dobbs Dillard (Dobbs), couldn't be two more different people.

Perri, living in wealth and 'high society' is a girl who is used to dates, dances, and other social functions surrounding her life. She has her circle of friends who are just as shallow as she is in what they want out of life... wealth and prestige. Throughout the book though, we see more to these girls than meets the eye.

Perri's story begins:

“I met Dobbs on the day my world fell apart. It was 1933 and most everyone else's world in the good ol' United States of America had fallen apart years ago. But I had survived virtually unscathed for four years. The Depression, as far as I could tell, had hardly invaded my niche of paradise.

And then it came to a screeching halt, along with Herbert Hoover—on the last day of his presidency. The banks died and so did my world.”

Dobbs story begins:

“Some things I just know. For sure. Don't ask me how. I just know them. And from the moment that Mother (and eventually Father) insisted I leave for Atlanta—Atlanta! A southern town!—I knew that my life had just bifurcated in a way that would have repercussions for my whole family.

At first I resisted, of course. I like to do things my way. “Aunt Josie means well,” I told my parents. “Certainly, there are benefits to a good education. Certainly, it can be a wise investment for the long term. But what about you? How can I leave both of you and Coobie and Frances up here in Chicago, wondering where the next meal will come from, while I gallivant around in Atlanta?”

Father pronounced the words that always convinced me. “It is for a larger cause, Dobbs. You need this.”

A larger cause! I loved causes, and especially the one Father referred to: propagation of the Word of God.”

Dobbs enters the world of the elite ready to take them by storm and bring them all to faith in God and show them how He always provides,by the stories she tells from her life with her family. Finding that she doesn't fit in to the socialite world, she gradually changes and in some ways becomes “one of them.”

Because of an incident in her past where she doubts God providing, her faith wavers and she is thrust into a pit of despair.

The development of the characters is realistic and one of the things that kept me reading this book – it was hard to put down.

With unexpected twists this book comes to a satisfying conclusion.

To read more about this book, click here.

I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for this review.

Looking at Love Differently - a book review

2011-05-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Love at Last Sight by Kerry and Chris Shook. It is what I'll call a thirty day workshop in looking at your closest relationships and working with God to make them all that they can be.

Did I do the thirty days of journaling exercises? No. Things came up with my husband's health that prevented me from focusing on this book as I would have liked. Now that is health is improving I would like to do the book again (I needed to finish reading the book so I could post a review on it) but possibly take longer than the thirty days, as I believe some of the material requires much more thought than just a day to think/journal on it.

This book made me think about a lot of things not only in regards to my closest relationships but about life and my walk with God. I feel there are many things that can be applied to day-to-day living.

For example in the chapter entitled Ego Trip Letting Go of Pride the authors have this to say:

"Much of the stress in our lives comes from trying to gain control, because we think that if our circumstances were different, we'd finally be truly happy. We try to control our image, so we spend a lot of time managing our outward appearance. Clothes, cars, yards, and advanced degrees all require time and money. They're not bad things, but they can be a huge source of stress if you think your self-worth depends on them. We also try to control our pain. Everything from overeating to abusing alcohol and drugs can be used to try to fill the gaping wounds in our lives. Ultimately, we try to control other people, which is impossible because we can't even control our own lives.

Trying to be number one may feed your insecurities, but it will never feed your soul. You can change your outward appearance, change your wardrobe, change your job, and change your neighborhood, but you are still the same person. If you're an insecure, arrogant jerk on the inside, and you get a new house and a new job, unfortunately you're still be an insecure, arrogant jerk.

On the other hand, if you're humble, caring, compassionate, and really comfortable with who God has created you to be, you'll still be humble, caring and compassionate if you get that new job title. You see, happiness isn't determined by what's happening outside your life but by the choices you make inside your life. The Bible puts it this way: “Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out” (Romans 12:2, MSG). Even when everything seems chaotic, crazy, and stressful on the outside, you can choose an attitude of peace, joy, and purpose on the inside."

The authors go on to say that the first step in letting go of pride is to stop comparing ourselves to others. They stress that we are created uniquely and suited to the path God has chosen for us. And then say:

"Instead of creating personal and relational stress by constantly comparing yourself to others, live your own life. It's essential to break the mold by celebrating individuality—both your own and the individuality of the people you love.

Since no two marriages or parent-child relationships are alike, it's foolish to compare yours with others'. You'll always find someone who seems to have it a little better than you, and that can leave you feeling depressed and envious. And there's always someone who's in a worse situation than you are, and that can make you feel prideful. Either way, comparisons are destructive. When we spend our lives comparing, we devalue who God created us to be, wound the people we love most, and miss out on enjoying what we have.

The comparison game is dangerous and addictive, and there's only one way to stop: remember who you are in Christ."

This line in that chapter really spoke to me:

"When you forget who he made you to be, you've forgotten him. It's time to stop and remember who you are—the real you."

So, while the book deals with growing our relationships, I clearly see that as we grow ourselves but walking closely with God, we will, in turn grow in our relationships as well.

I have to be honest and say that some of the exercises scared me... but how can we affect change in ourselves or in our relationships if we're not willing to take risks? And why not take the risks with the biblical wisdom this book has to offer?

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Fifty Years Young

2011-04-26T19:18:00.000-07:00

Today is my 50th birthday. Last night we had a family party for me, my twin brother and my husband, who will be turning 50 on May 5. My dad asked a question of us... "what is your favorite moment of the last 50 years? My immediate response was, "getting married."

As we drove home I thought of more favorite moments, so I thought it would be a good idea to blog on those on this, my 50th birthday.

One thing that comes to mind is how much I liked riding my bike downhill. What a blast that was! The wind rushing through my hair, and the thrill of picking up speed and then slowing just enough to turn the corner to go to my friend's house.

A really special memory is getting baptized when I was twelve. I still remember the verse I chose for that special day. Our pastor wanted us each to say something, so I chose the verse John 15:14 which says "You are my friends if you do what I command." At that time I was really impressed that I needed to obey God.

Another moment that's a favorite is when I was seventeen and I knew it was time to really dedicate my heart/life to God. I had wandered during my junior year of high-school because I was tired of being "a good girl." One night I became disgusted with my behavior - the way I was talking, my attitude, the books I was reading, skipping a few classes. No, I didn't do drugs or alcohol or engage in sexual activities, but sin is sin and my sin separated me from God . I knew I needed to repent and turn my life back over to Him, so in January (third I believe) of 1979 I gave my life to God completely.

During my senior year of high-school (the same year I gave my life to God) there was a teacher who let a group of us Christian kids use his classroom during lunch to meet for encouragement of each other. We listened to tapes, shared Scripture together, sang and just hung out. It was the best year of high-school hands down. When the weather permitted we met outside.

Fast forward to my next favorite moment... getting married when I was twenty-three. My husband and I knew each other in high-school but he was my twin brother's good friend... and we just never gave each other the time in day, but then a few years after graduation circumstances brought us back together and we learned to love each other and got married on June 23 1984. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I'm so very thankful for the man God brought into my life.

The next favorite moment is the day our daughter was born; March 4, 1986. We didn't know beforehand if we were having a girl or a boy so when she was born my husband said, "We have a Rebekah!" Oh the joy of holding her in my arms...

Over the years there have been many other favorite moments, but to write them all down would take a book.... so I'll end with just a couple more...

Our 25th wedding anniversary was a special time. We went to Yosemite for four nights and really enjoyed the grandeur of that place - what awesome creations of God! There are some really memorable moments we had there but I probably blogged about those a couple of years ago... lol We had a really fun anniversary party when we got back from that trip. Our daughter did a great job decorating for us and pulling so much together.

The last favorite moment is today... a day different than I had wanted/planned, but that I had come to grips with before it came, because I knew I had to. My husband has had so much pain the last several weeks so to have him free from pain today and able to go to lunch and to a movie with me was such a treasure. I thank God for giving us the gift of this day with my husband being pain free...

God has been our sustenance through these last difficult and trying weeks, bringing us through with strength and with joy even in the midst of heart-wrenching circumstances. We thank Him!

Mysterious Read - book review

2011-04-16T13:56:00.000-07:00

The Girl in the Gatehouse by Julie Klassen is full of mysteries and well-kept secrets by characters who are extremely likable and some not so likable... and others who you are kept wondering about...

This book definitely has a Jane Austen flavor to it as the author is a huge fan. It is, however, easier to read than Jane Austen's books.

I was drawn into the book from the first sentence and had a hard time putting it down. My favorite character is an elderly woman named Amy Merrywheather, who resides in the poorhouse directly across from the gatehouse. She ends up being very instrumental in the main character's life. One of my favorite lines delivered by Miss Amy is "None of us gets through this life without a tangle or two. Accept His mercy and move forward. Don't hold on to the knots and forget the life ahead."

The Girl in the Gatehouse is a book of redemption and second chances that will leave you thinking about it days after the last page is turned. This is one of those books that I know I will be reading again very soon.

I received this book free from Bethany House publishers in exchange for an unbiased review of the book.

2011-04-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

We've been down this road before... having to either trust God completely or throw in the towel and say, "forget it, this is just too hard." It has become obvious to us that trusting God is the best way to go, because when we throw in the towel, even for a little bit, we end up complaining and miserable.

My husband has been off of work for almost four weeks now and it's been a LONG four weeks. it started out with him having severe hip/leg/groin pain, with no explanations. Because he was in so much pain he had a hard time eating and drinking and I had to take him to the ER on Wednesday March 30. It was a scary time because what made me decide take him in was that his breathing was so shallow and rapid. It turned out that he was severely dehydrated so they put him in IV fluids right away. I took him in around three in the afternoon and by the time I left to go home around nine that night, he looked so much better. I was sure he would get to come home the next day. When I got to the hospital Thursday morning I found a much worse husband then I had left the night before. He'd had a rough night and hardly slept at all.

What we had hoped would just be a one night stay in the hospital ended up being a four night stay. They did blood work every day and his sodium levels were all over the place, at one time, critically low. Finally on Saturday the Dr. told us he was bringing in a specialist on Sunday. The specialist informed us that the sodium swings were a result of blood sugar swings (my husband is a diabetic). He was released to go home.

Monday was a really good day for him, but then the pain came back enforce... and we've had a roller coaster of a ride (not a fun one!) since then. He saw our family Dr. on Friday and he ordered an MRI which was done on Monday. We got the results of that on Tuesday and he has a bulging disc. The opening for the spinal cord in the spinal column and some of the nerve openings are narrowed as well, thus all the pain.

A referral to a pain specialist was made by our Dr. The name was familiar -- a friend of ours sees him and another friend had talked about him being involved with their missions prayer group and he and his wife have gone on missions trips. Well, when I told this friend that we were referred to him she told me that Monday night he and his wife were at their meeting and they had prayed for Phil! So, this was just the night before Phil was referred to him. :o) I love how God works! Our friend said he just radiates the love of the Lord.

The one downside is that Phil can't get in to see this Dr. until April 26 - my 50th birthday. We had plans before all this started... he had put in for both of our birthdays off this year, using vacation days, since we're both turning 50. His birthday is May 5. It's kind of a blow - but like he told me this morning, "I'm still here." :o)

So... this has been a long road... and looks to be longer.

So what has gone through my mind with all this is when do we turn to God? Are we faithfully turning to Him all the time or just when things get rough? Is our relationship with Him based on the hardships we're going through, or are we willing to develop an intimate relationship with Him on a daily basis?

I said we had been down this road before... that was back in the early 90's when my husband had kidney failure. At that time we were sailing along pretty smoothly and we were broadsided with not only this health problem but many eye problems too. We learned at that time to lean on the Lord rather quickly.. where else could we go?

So now, some eighteen years later here are again... in that time we have grown closer to God and to each other. We have had many ups and downs and my husband's health has taken many hits (he's prone to pneumonia - had double pneumonia last year and was off for a month, has had multiple eye surgeries and is considered legally blind). But in all of this, God has shown Himself faithful time and time again.

A beautiful thing is that this year both my husband and I are reading through the Bible and started January 1. We are using different reading plans, but it has been so good to do this 'together' and share what we read. I know it has made us both closer to the Lord and more aware of His presence in our lives. So with this newest 'hit' on us we are leaning on the Lord a lot more readily than we did 18 years ago.

I am realizing more and more that everything that comes into our lives (sifted through God's loving hands) is an opportunity for us to become more like Christ. Romans 8:28-29 says: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Many times Romans 8:28 is quoted by itself. Years ago though at a women's Bible study a lady there shared that Romans 8:29 needed to be quoted with that because the good that is worked out is that we are conformed to the image of His Son... what a promise!!

Thanks if you made it through reading this long blog post!

An Emtionally Gripping Read - a Book Review

2011-04-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

Another Dawn by Kathryn Cushman is a book of heartache and healing. The main character, Grace is in a place in her life where she needs grace in her life - to make it through a difficult time, to be extended to her by others and to give to others.

Throughout the story Grace learns a lot about herself through others' observations of her and also through a woman who was her mom's best friend and lives next door to her father. The lessons the neighbor instills in her are then reiterated by others, showing that God will do whatever it takes to get His truth planted in our hearts and to cause us to act on what it is He's telling us.

Grace also learns some valuable lessons from her four year old son, who is wise beyond his years... but then again, maybe not.

This book was a bit hard for me to get into at first because I thought maybe it was a sequel to another book, but then as the story unfolds and back story is given, it was easier for me to be captured by the story and I read it quite quickly, as it was hard to put down once the story drew me in.

There is some controversial subject matter in the story... causing one to come to their own conclusions...

Another Dawn was all in all a very enjoyable read that I highly recommend.

I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for an honest review of the book.

What an Intriguing Book! - a book review

2011-03-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

There are some books that are hard to put down -When Sparrows Fall by Meg Mosely was one of them; it left me intrigued and I 'had to read' every chance I got.

When Sparrows Fall chronicles a time in the life of Miranda Hanford, a widow with six children who is in a church that is very religious, in that legalism abounds. She is under the thumb of the pastor who wants to move the whole congregation to another town. She squirms under that legalistic thumb.

After Miranda takes a serious fall, her son calls her brother-in-law informing him that he has been named legal guardian of her children while she recovers. He takes a leave of absence from his position as a college professor to do just that.

Both Jack and Miranda carry secrets and while under the same roof learn more and more of each other and how to trust one another.

The children all learn to love Jack, over time. The youngest girl is my favorite of the children. She plays a key role which of course I won't tell you because it would spoil the book! : )

The author of When Sparrows Fall really contrasts the difference between the Pastor, Mason, the widow, Miranda, and the brother-in-law, Jack. I saw in each of these characters different aspects of how people respond to Christ...

There are some things that I didn't like about the book; one is that Jack is divorced and it's never clear to me if he comes to Christ in the process of taking care of Miranda's children or if he was saved before he got divorced. The reason this bothers me is because Scripture is very clear on the issue of divorce. The other is the way a certain matter is handled by the pastor's wife in a seeming retaliatory way. At the same time, I have to ask myself, if I was put in the same situation would I react in the same way? Again, contrasts of the characters are clear and in the end one character indicates what mercy is all about.

Overall, I enjoyed the book very much which came to a pretty satisfying conclusion.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Transforming Prayer - Book Review

2011-03-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Transforming Prayer - How Everything Changes When You Seek God's Face by Daniel Henderson. This book is fantastic! I want to go back through it and apply what I learned to my life.

The premise of the book is worship-based prayer - bringing glory to God in our prayers, and praying from the Scripture, and being lead by the Holy Spirit to make our prayers come alive, and work change in our hearts/lives and in the Kingdom of God.

The author uses lots of Scripture to back up what he's so passionate about. He gives examples of how Jesus prayed and of Paul's requests for prayer in his letters. These are found in the appendixes at the end of the book.

A key point for me was that we need to be abiding in Christ:

One core focus of worship-based prayer is the commitment to always start our prayers from the Word of God. This is the key to abiding. Jesus emphasized, "If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples" (John 15:7-8).

In John 15, Jesus gave His disciples the powerful metaphor of fruitfulness in their spiritual lives. Just as a branch abides in the vine, deriving its life and productivity from the provision of the vine, so we find our life and source in Him. One result of abiding is powerful guidance and confidence in prayer.

There are testimonies throughout the book of people's lives being changed by going to prayer summits/gatherings and experiencing this kind of prayer for the first time and continuing on with it the rest of their lives.

This book wasn't just a 'feel-good-book' either. As I read I felt convicted; stirred by the Holy Spirit to make some changes in my prayer life. My prayer is that I won't just have read this book, but apply it to my life and be in the Word so that I can be a woman who prays the Word of God, lead by the Holy Spirit, so that I can be all that God has called me to be, and not be fearful to be used in this world.

Because of reading this book I learned that I have such a mindset of me, me, me, because of the culture I've grown up in and how it has infiltrated the church in our prayers... do this for me, bless me, etc. that I was deeply challenged to change my way of thinking and pray for the purpose of bringing God glory and for effecting change in the world around me ... all for the purpose of the Kingdom and not what I want out of it. Thus, the fear above.

Do you want to be challenged in your prayer life? Read this book. If you do, I pray it challenges you as it did me and encourages you to amp up your prayer life - May God be magnified! - as the author ends the book... (and says other times throughout).

This book, does, as I mentioned have appendixes and it also has a discussion guide at the end.

You can see the book here to read excerpts.

I received this book free from Bethany House publishers for this review. This did not have any bearing on how I reviewed this book.

Rambling ...

2011-03-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This post will be all over the place! :D

I'm sitting in the library. It's noisy in here. Whatever happened to quiet libraries? Even the librarians are talking loud. Someone has headphones in, but I hear the beat of their music. What must it sound like in the guy's ears???

When I was a kid if we made in the library we were toast. The librarian's 'evil eye' burned us to a crisp. I like quiet libraries, but I guess those are a thing of the past.

It's also COLD in here...

Wow... there are a couple of people actually talking quietly... imagine that! Some people still have some respect... side note here... maybe the dude with headphones on is actually playing a game? I will not go stand behind him to look... sorry! But it sounds like artillery fire now.

This brings to mind the use of cell phones... wow. There's something that's taken away privacy. Is nothing private any more? I mean come on! I don't need to be in the restroom at Walmart or in an aisle for that matter hearing what a jerk you think your husband is. Or about your health problems... I have enough going on in my own life without hearing all about someone I don't even know. Then again, I suppose when I hear these sad things, I could send up an arrow prayer for that marriage, or for that health problem.

The writer's group I lead met today. As usual we had a great time of sharing what we had written since our last meeting and talking about writing. We also, of course, talked about many other things... we're women after all! hehe It's always great to come away from these meetings encouraged in the Lord and having my faith strengthened. As usual there was some great writing shared! I love the diversity of our writing and how we take the same topics and get such different things out of them.

One final thing... my daughter turned 25 a week ago today... how did I get old enough to have a daughter this old? My husband and I both enjoyed writing letters to her. I had so much fun looking back to being pregnant with her and bringing her into the world... there were some tears, I have to admit... how could there not be? Reminiscing is good... it's even, in a way, therapeutic. It brought me to a place of more letting go... yeah, even though she's 25 I'm still letting go... I wonder if I'll be doing that the rest of my life? Probably. I spent a good deal of time being her mom... and her mom I'll always be... learning now to let go of 'kissing all her boo-boos away' and learning to let her deal with life on her own... entrusting her to the One I know holds her in the palm of His hand and will never leave her or forsake her.

Thanks if you took time to actually read my ramblings today!

Courageous - In Theaters September 30

2011-03-08T13:09:00.000-08:00

Courageous - In Theaters September 30

Nuggets of Wisdom (book review)

2011-02-24T13:01:00.000-08:00

Plain Wisdom by Cindy Woodsmall and Marion Flaud is a delightful read with nuggets of wisdom scattered throughout. The wisdom offered is simple, not over the top so as to make one feel stupid. But, isn’t that what wisdom is? Simple and unaffected?

I really enjoyed the easy flow of the book. It made me feel as though I was at the kitchen table with these two women as they shared stories from their lives.

The format of the book is easy to read, giving one just a taste of the separate yet similar lifestyles of the two women.

I have to admit I had wondered if Amish women dealt with the same struggles and fears that I myself have faced. This statement by Miriam on page seven of the book answered my question: “What if she came all this way and was disappointed not only in my ability to hold a reasonable conversation but also in me as a person?”

With that statement I was drawn into the book, eager to get to know Miriam and Cindy as they shared their lives; the laughter, the tears, the embarrassments.

Plain Wisdom is well worth the time it takes to read. While the book is not deep, it is, in that the simplicity of the wisdom offered makes one think.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Book Review - Lady in Waiting

2011-01-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

Lady in Waiting by Susan Meissner is a book that drew me in from the first sentence. There are books that are hard to put down and then there are books that are harder to to put down. This was the latter.

The way the story unfolds is intriguing and mesmerizing. I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of two stories into one cohesive whole.

The similarities between the two Janes and ... oh, wait, I don't want to give anything away - but it was well done!

I especially liked the friendship that develops between Lady Jane Grey and Lucy, her dressmaker. True friendship knows no bounds between nobility and a "commoner."

Would I read it again? Yes. I would even recommend it, but just be forewarned, if you're looking for godly answers to marital problems, you won't find them. This greatly disappointed me, given that this is "Christian fiction." Were it "secular fiction" I would have been pleasantly surprised. The book is clean, and there are a few mentions of God.

When Jane seeks counseling, however, she is basically left to figure things out for herself and never once does she turn to Christ for the strength she needs to see her marriage saved.

Overall, I did enjoy this book. It is well written and Susan Meissner is a good story teller.

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

You can read the first pages here.

Book Review - Life Without Limits

2011-01-04T14:29:00.000-08:00

Life without limits by Nick Vujicic is an encouraging and inspiring book. In reading this book I was challenged to move forward with the dream I believe God has given me for my life and to make it my passion.

The parts of the book I enjoyed the most were the ones where the author mentioned doing all of this with God.

I have to admit, I had a hard time with some of the 'pull yourself up by your own bootstraps' philosophy - the book had more references to positive thinking than I care for.

Overall the book was a delight to read and I'm sure I will go back to it as a reference to read the parts I underlined.

One of the lines that stood out to me the most was "God does not waste His time, so He doesn't waste mine either"

Serving and giving to others is a large crux of the book - in fact, early on in the book the author says "I don't think you can really feel fulfilled without serving others."

Another part emphasized in the book is that God doesn't make mistakes and we are all miracles and all have something to contribute and that is why we are on this planet.

The author emphasizes again and again that God has a purpose for each one of us - so I walk away from reading this book thinking - am I working to fulfill the purpose God has for me or will I just keep thinking about it and never doing it?

FTC disclaimer: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Ministering Angels

2010-12-22T16:04:00.000-08:00

I may have written on this before but if so it was a long time ago.

I got to thinking about ministering angels because of a book I am just about finished reading, where the author mentions having had an encounter with an angel that he did not see, but heard.

I believe that I had an encounter with an angel several years ago. Everyone with me saw him too.

Let me preface this by saying that while I believe in angels, I also believe they are sent by God and are not to be worshiped. Therefore, angels are only servants—spirits sent to care for people who will inherit salvation. Hebrews 1:14 (NLT)

My family and I, along with a friend of ours, were in a car crash in L.A. seven-and-a-half years ago. I was driving. I'm not going to go into all the details. We were tooling along at about 35 miles in our small Kia Sephia. We hit an SUV.

I had imagined more than once what it would be like to be in an accident, but nothing prepared me for this. I remember screaming, and excruciating pain. I remember the others in the car yelling out as well. I don't really remember the sound of metal on metal though... It's something I never want to experience again.

The brunt of the impact was on the driver's side, so our friend and I sustained the worst injuries, although, later Phil and Rebekah did have to be checked out too. My whole body was in pain and it was hard to take a deep breath because of the pain in my chest. As I looked out the cracked windshield my vision started to blur and all the colors were mixing together. My hearing started to go too. Right then, a man came to my side of the car and asked me if I'd like a cup of water. He'd seen what happened in the office building across the way. I gratefully accepted the cup of water and the symptoms went away.

The reason I believe he was an angel is because of when he appeared and also that the next day when we looked at the office building he referred to, it appeared to not be in use any more. All the blinds were shut and it was the time of day when they would have been open. It just looked, like I said, like it hadn't been used for quite some time.

Whether he was an angel or not, I thank God for sending him when He did. A real sense of peace came over me even though I was in a lot of pain.

He certainly did minister to me with that cup of water.

A Most Precious Gift

2010-12-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

I have slowly been getting things packed up and it looks like someone is moving what with boxes stacked everywhere... oh yeah, someone IS moving... That would be us...

Yesterday I called my mom to see if they would be home so I could stop by before going to pick my husband up from work. I planned on just staying a little bit, then running some errands. Well, it was so nice to sit in an uncluttered place and just visit with my folks that I decided my errands could wait until today. After awhile my mom asked my dad if he could go pick Phil up for me and I told him he could use our car since it was parked behind theirs. So, he did and mom and I visited while she was fixing dinner... she said we could stay if we wanted, but I told her it depended on how Phil was feeling since he had been suffering from a sinus infection and was still getting better.

Mom and I really enjoyed a good visit. This is a most precious gift because up until a couple months ago or so, our conversations were very limited because of my mom's hearing loss. Part of mom's hearing problems are due to Ménière's disease. She would have times of her hearing being worse because of allergies and the barometric pressure, both causing her ears to 'close up' - one more than the other.

She went to see about getting hearing aides, but nothing worked. She nixed the idea until this summer when she decided to try again. She had a pair of hearing aides made, and ... much to her disappointment they didn't work. She was crushed. She made an appointment with the specialist at the hearing aide clinic without much hope. This specialist did a lot more tests than the 'regular' guy did. Long story short, she was able to make my mom a custom pair of hearing aides and... they worked! It only took her one day to get used to them!

So, even though it's been a couple of months already, I'm still so excited and happy for her... she has a new lease on life and seems so much more joyful now... when she couldn't hear well, it was mentally draining for her. She had to concentrate so hard to hear and a lot of times she would just tune out and isolate herself internally. Now... I have my mom back and then some! :) What a precious gift...

Rambling

2010-12-02T16:10:00.001-08:00

This blog might be all over the place today as I have a lot on my mind. But then I again, I might just stick with one topic, or it might all mesh together in one coherent piece. Read on. : )

The biggest thing right now is that we have to move - before Christmas.

The apartment complex we live in was purchased by new owners this last summer. So, big changes are happening around here, including remodeling. Thus, moving to another unit while our apartment is being remodeled. We didn't think we'd be moving out until well after the holidays. Not so. We originally we were told we'd be moving out by the 13th of this month, then yesterday when I went to pay the rent, our manager told us that our temporary apartment might be ready next week... panic wanted to set in! Yikes.

Then I realized, I had a choice to make - I could go into full blown panic mode, or I could accept this with grace - the grace that is supplied for me through Jesus Christ, and realize that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Hmmm, which seems the better option?

This thinking about choices is something I've been pondering since Thanksgiving Day - a lot. My sister-in-law mentioned it in conversation regarding time spent online. She said she tells her kids that she has a choice to make, whether she's going to go check the email and end up spending a lot of time online, or if she's going to do housework and things around the house, or read her Bible, etc. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was convicted. I was. Big time. Has this changed my habits online the last few days? Sadly, no. When I'm not feeling well, or I'm tired, I tend to 'veg' - these last few days I have not felt well... have a cold. There is also the fact that packing had already begun before the news yesterday and things are in such an upheaval around here.

It will continue to get worse. Ugh. Oh, wait, what happened to "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me? I stumble. I fall. I get back up... I often find myself on a roller coaster. My ultimate desire is to consistently walk that walk of being always strengthened in the Lord. But, my eyes often wander to the circumstances around me and get off of Jesus. I find myself slacking off in my time with Him and when I do those are times I tend to really just want to veg... because my focus is on me and what I want.

Self... ew. Messes me up every time.

So, yesterday... when I got the news I called hubby at work - to vent. I called my mom - to vent. But I also called out to God - He kind of nudged me that way, because He cares. He cares that I'm not feeling the greatest and that my husband has been going to work while sick with a sinus infection. He beckons me all the time, but do I always hear Him? No. A lot of that depends on where my heart is. Am I in a position to hear Him? Not always. But yesterday He knew what I needed and about an hour after I got the news that we might have to move sooner than we thought, my sister-in-law whom I had asked to help at Thanksgiving gave me a call to see how things were going and if I needed help. She came yesterday and we were able to finish up my daughter's room. She had done most of it when she was home for Thanksgiving.

What a blessing it was to have her come over. She is a go-getter and she just jumped right in there to help me. She sacrificed time for me, and also took the risk of possibly getting a cold, which is another thing I've been thinking about lately... sacrificial giving. I recently read a book (I've been reading my fictional Christmas books recently) and in one of the books a story is told by a woman who had been raised by Indians that is a legend among her people about Christmas. What really struck me is the fact that this legend stressed the sacrificial gift God gave to us - Christ - wrapped in human flesh as a baby. After the woman tells the legend she gives something sacrificial in honor of Christ who gave sacrificially for us, and the others do likewise. This has made me think of gifts at Christmas - do we give sacrificially at Christmas or at any time? My sister-in-law did yesterday.

What have I done lately that's been sacrificial in giving? Not much... but something I want to ponder and work on.

So, the next several weeks how will I live? In complaining and grumpiness because we are displaced at Christmas, or in gratitude that even though we're living in an apartment that's not ours, surrounded by boxes, we have a roof over our heads, a warm bed to sleep in and food to eat? I hope to choose the latter.

I have had things put into perspective by a story someone shared on a discussion board I belong to... a man was backing his truck up to a trailer and backed over his 18 month old baby girl - she died the next day. I was at that time feeling sad because we won't get as much time with our daughter this holiday season, but that story changed everything for me. I still have my daughter and my husband... everything could change in an instant. I need and hopefully will more consistently choose to live in gratitude, rather than in complaining. That is the season of life I'm in right now and what I believe God wants me to learn.

Coming into the Light

2010-09-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

This morning when I returned home from Bible study and running some errands, there was some road work going on right by our apartment complex, and there were cones set up to 'direct traffic' - the cones made it so that people coming from the west needed to go in the turn lane to travel down the road, rather then staying in the right hand lane, because the road work was being done there. When we left this morning all was well and good, as I was turning left and saw how I needed to go. Well, when I came home after Bible study, my brain didn't register that I needed to continue in the lane I was in and make my left hand turn from there rather go in the turn lane like I always do. So, after cars had gone through and I saw no one coming, I went in the turn lane to go into our apartment complex. As I was driving, this guy yells, "Hey, Hey Hey! What are you doing?" Of course, I didn't stop and answer him, I knew I was in the wrong.

Tears immediately welled up and I had the audacity to call him an idiot... (not so he could hear me) What happened? I had a great morning - spending a little time with God in His word before I went to Bible study. Had a great time at Bible study and learned a lot; heard God speak to me. In a moment that joy was pierced, my peace shattered, by one mistake on my part that made me feel dumb, insignificant and rebellious. I let my feelings overwhelm me rather than going to Jesus and asking Him to be my peace and my joy. I did eventually do this, but not immediately.

The joy and peace being obliterated is understandable, as were my feelings of being dumb and insignificant (even though they were lies) but why would I say I was rebellious? Because the minute that guy spoke to me in authority, my hackles were raised - high. As I came in the house and cried some, and put my groceries away, I was thinking about what had transpired, and calling myself names... :o( Then I had a memory... that took me back to 3rd grade; another time when I was made to feel stupid and balked at authority.

I was in my reading class (I read very well, and so went to a different room for reading) and the teacher had given us some instruction, but I didn't hear what she said, so I was leaning over to my neighbor to ask her what she said, and there was, of course, not supposed to be any talking. The teacher walked swiftly to the back of the room, grabbed me by the arm and marched me out the door into the hallway, where I had to sit for awhile. I was so embarrassed, so humiliated, being taken out like that in front of the whole class... That's how I felt driving down that lane that was marked off for oncoming traffic, and getting yelled at for it. Forty years after that incident in 3rd grade, and those feelings can still wash over me; feelings of shame and indignation at having been "caught." I wanted to lash out because my rebellious, selfish nature didn't want to be wrong.

The verse that stood out to me this morning in my quiet time is John 3:21 (NIV): "But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

I had to have my attitude brought into the light and exposed by the truth of God's Word. It is God who showed me my wrong heart in this matter... the Amplified version puts that verse this way: But he who practices truth [who does what is right] comes out into the Light; so that his works may be plainly shown to be what they are--wrought with God [divinely prompted, done with God's help, in dependence upon Him]. When I walk into the Light I am allowing myself to be dependent on God and not letting myself be pulled down into the quagmire of doing things my own way, and staying in that attitude of rebellion. It is with His help that I can get up, brush myself off and move forward.

Life is Fragile

2010-07-31T17:19:00.000-07:00

We've all heard that phrase at least once, I'm sure... and the truth is, life is fragile. We never know when a loved one will die. It can happen in the blink of an eye. One day we will have had a good conversation with them and the next, they're gone. This just happened to some very dear friends of mine. They spoke with his mom on Thursday evening, all of them excited about their plans to spend the day together on Sunday, attending the Summer Street Faire in a nearby coastal town. Friday morning my friend got a call that her mother-in-law had passed away. Just like that, apparently in her sleep, or when she was getting up in the morning...

My friends had plans to attend a funeral on Friday of a friend's husband who had recently died. When my friend called to tell me of her mother-in-law's passing, she told me that her husband would be getting off work at 11 a.m. and she had to tell him when he got home from work that his mother had passed away, as she didn't want to tell him over the phone. My heart ached for them. I cried with her on the phone and prayed with her. I kept thinking of the pain she would have in telling her husband and how he would feel at hearing the news. Tears weren't far from the surface as my heart was so heavy for them.

Life is fragile. We never know when our time or the time of our loved ones is... this made me think of my own relationships and how I need to cherish them so much more. My husband commented how we need to make sure and not hold grudges or have things between us and others... he's so right. We do need to make sure we keep short accounts.

Let's make the most of the time we have... cherishing each moment and treasuring each relationship.

Courageous Little Girl

2010-07-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

The other day as I was in the Dollar Tree looking for birthday cards, I heard a little girl whining and crying... usually hearing those kinds of noises really annoy me, because I think the child is being bratty, but when I heard the mother speak to the little girl, I was much more annoyed with her. The words that came out of her mouth angered me. "You're a bad girl." The girl kept on crying, and was clearly upset. As they came closer to me, it continued and the mother insisted and telling her child that she was bad. They passed behind me and were down the aisle a bit, looking at some party supplies, and again the mother said, "you're a bad girl." The little girl replied, "I'm not a bad girl, I'm just upset." The mother said, "When you're upset, it makes me upset, so let's not be upset."

My thought was that no one makes us upset - we choose to be upset... and I applaud that little four year old girl for her courage to let her mom know what she was feeling and for taking the stance to say she wasn't a bad girl. I know she was four, because there was some discussion about how old she was amongst themselves (I think it was daughter, mother, father and grandmother). I believe there was a party being planned for this little girl's birthday... how awful for her to be told she's a bad girl at any time, but especially in the midst of planning her birthday party.

Saying "bad girl" or "bad boy" is something you say to your dog, not your child. A parent might say to the child that what they did was bad, but to tell them they're bad... what kind of message does that send the child, and how do they grow up?

My heart was very saddened that day, but again, to hear that little girl stand up to her mom like that, in a way that wasn't sassy, but honest did my heart good.

Wow ... Just ... Wow

2010-06-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

My dad and mom will be married 50 years August 14, however we are celebrating June 28, because my brother and his family are coming to California from Pennsylvania. This was the most feasible time for them to come since my brother is a school teacher (he went back to school and got his teaching credentials at 40 - but that's another story!). They usually come out every other year, but waited until this year, because of the anniversary... it will be good to see them again!

But... to the purpose of my Wow ... Just ... Wow... my dad (who never emails) sent this email out to all of us yesterday and reading it again just a bit ago, really brought tears to my eyes:

Dear Family,
Expectation? something expected; hope for good.
The Celebration? Mom & Dad 50 years together by God's
grace and mercy (smile) Praise God with us.
We have changed as a family the past 41 years (since
Glen was born) Please pray for a positive time of
reflecting and sharing.
Maybe share a change about mom, dad, sister, brother,
or yourself. Or have questions about dad or mom.
Come expecting , by bringing love to this celebration
of togetherness and make it happen.
It's not just about your mom & dad,
it's about our family with God's love in it.
With love and prayers for you all, DAD

Wow ... just ... wow! Expressing how this touches me so deeply might be near impossible... the man who wrote this email is very different than the man I grew up calling Dad... he was very quiet, never showing his emotions much... very laid back and not really a take-charge kind of guy.

Over the years of my growing up, I knew I loved my dad, and was thankful for his presence in my life, however as an adult I saw how his passivity affected me... and how my mom's overbearing nature did too... my heart was always troubled when I would hear/see them arguing in front of us kids... but now, all that has changed... my parents are very different from the parents I grew up with. My dad is now bold and my mom is less ( a LOT less) controlling.

I see the love they have for each other and it enriches my life.

I see the changes they have made in their lives under the power of the Holy Spirit, as they've yielded their lives more and more to Christ.

I see the love my dad has for us kids... (me and my three brothers - Brad, Jeff and Glen - Brad is my twin and Jeff and Glen are younger) and how much he desires to see us walk with God and takes pleasure in seeing us do so.

For my dad to send this email is huge... and this isn't the first time he's done something like this. Over the last few years he's really taken a spiritual leadership role in our family and spoken blessings over us in profound ways.

So... I'm putting my thinking cap on and praying about what he said... :o)

Patience

2010-06-11T09:30:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of this year someone posted an interesting link on a discussion board I belong to. It's an interesting concept of having a one word resolution for the year, rather than making a list of resolutions. This idea so intrigued me that I decided to choose a one word resolution for myself this year, making it a matter of prayer.

I asked God what He would like me to focus on this year.

I didn't like His answer.

Patience.

Wait a minute, God, did I hear you right?

I heard Him right...

The first part of the year I didn't pay too much attention to when I needed to be patient. As time has marched on this year though, I have more than once heard that still small voice within ... when I'm in traffic and someone 'annoys me' I hear "patience." Oh, yeah.

So, this year, albeit, rather slowly, I am learning patience...

This last month was the ultimate test in ... patience.

My health.

It started in May with a swollen lymph node on the side of my neck. The Dr. put me on an antibiotic for that because he thought it might be some kind of skin thing going on (such medical terms, eh?). I started the antibiotic on May 17. Later that week, I came down with a stomach bug... just felt generally blah and had a fever, chills and basic 'yucky feeling.' I was sick with that for about a week. I went to the Dr. on the May 24, for it because I thought maybe it had to do with the swollen lymph node. He told me it was just a viral infection. He did ask me if I had a rash. I said I had noticed a little something that morning, but it wasn't much. The next day I had a full blown rash. I called the Dr. and he said just to watch it and if it got worse to call in a couple days.

The rash went away.

The rash came back, quite severe. I went to the Dr. on June 1 and he determined that it was from an allergic reaction to the antibiotic and put me on an antihistamine. That night I had chills and a fever again... hmmmm... I did some research online about allergic reactions to the antibiotic I was on. Symptoms were chills, fever, flu like symptoms.

Ohhhh... maybe I hadn't had the flu after all but the whole thing was an allergic reaction.

Long story boring, the rash got worse, the fevers lasted several days. I went back to the Dr. this last Monday and he ordered blood work to just check some things (I'd had blood work earlier and he wanted to recheck the levels) including checking me for Valley Fever.

This week the rash has subsided a lot and I've still been on the antihistamine and Aleve.

So... how does patience come into this?

Good question.

I've had to learn patience while my body is getting rid of the 'poison' - and talk about itching! Do you know how hard it is to not scratch an itch that is driving you absolutely bonkers?

The sad thing about this is also that while I was 'down for the count' I let my time with God dwindle... why is it that when I'm physically ailing I let my spiritual life fall into the same state? It should be a time when I'm pushing more into God, not pulling away. Who better to help me with patience?

New Endeavor

2010-05-29T19:48:00.000-07:00

For quite sometime I have had a dream of starting a writer's group with some women in my church. Yesterday that dream became a reality.

I had talked to a few gals to see if they were interested. They were. :)

It stayed in the 'dream' stage... and stayed... and finally I woke up! LOL

I had one gal who was very excited and one day when I mentioned that I needed to get things going, she said, "I have May 14 and 28 off so we could do it one of those days at my house. Alrighty then. That was just the push I needed to get things off the ground and running!

We had our first meeting on Friday... how do I describe the feelings I have at doing something like this?

Writing has been something I've enjoyed for a very long time and now I'm seeing that I can make it my passion. I want to make it my passion.

I still remember being a little girl and writing a story on notebook paper in pencil. That story seemed to be a 'secret' - I kept it folded up in my closet and to this day I can't even remember what it was about.

When I was in 6th grade our teacher gave us a picture and told us to write a story on it. The picture I had was of Geneva Switzerland. Ever since then I have wanted to go to Switzerland. I still remember the dreamy feeling I had looking at that picture and writing my story.

When my family would go on camping trips, I always had some kind of notebook along and wrote a lot of poetry at the places we stopped along the way. I loved rivers for that very purpose.

In high school I took a lot of writing classes and thought of going into journalism... I was on the school newspaper staff my senior year as feature editor.

I took a writing class in college too, but got average grades which kind of soured me I think, because I was looking at that as a reflection of who I was as a person... and it made me sad that I couldn't 'just write' and have it always be OK...

I have always kept a journal of some sort - mainly as a way of pouring out my heart to God and listening to Him speak to me as I would do so... He often gives me Scriptures that speak to my heart.

Over the years I let my 'craft' wane, because of a perceived attitude I felt from my parents - of not having their support/approval in my writing pursuits.

Fast Forward... I finally had to realize that I'm not writing for anyone else... I'm writing because of the gift God gave me.

When I found out there were other writers in our church... the dream was born and our first meeting (brain storming really) was a smashing success! I'm so excited about it and to see how God will use the group for us to encourage each other and move forward in the gifts God has given us.

Each woman is unique in their writing style, their genre and just ... well, unique overall... praise God for His creativity in each one of us and that we can be co-creators with Him!

Adjustment Time

2010-05-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

Here I am, the one who feared the empty nest and who was a basket case when our daughter left for university in August - three hours away. How was I going to handle the quietness, the long days with no immediate interaction, sporadic phone calls and chats online?

My first act of 'defense' against the loneliness that ensued was to make Rebekah's room my very own 'retreat room' the weekend she moved out. My hubby helped me move a rocker from our room in there which we positioned right by the window, so I could look out on our yard. We also moved the bookshelves from the hallways in. I purchased a pretty, sheer, burgundy curtain to grace the window, tied back with a beige all hearts tie, that I had cut off of another curtain years before. I hung pictures on the walls that take me to calm places when I look at them.

At first I used the room a lot. I had times with Jesus that fed my soul, drawing my hurting heart to His. But then... I let myself get bogged down in the miry pit of self... yuck! My quiet times became sporadic just as they had in the past... I had thought having a room of my own - my own private haven, would make all the difference in my spending time with God. I thought the room would draw me. It did... but I was looking for the wrong thing to draw me. Yes, God met me there... He's faithful like that. :o)

Rebekah would come home for weekends, or for breaks... and my quiet times walked right out the door when she came home and they stayed away when she left... the room just wasn't 'mine' any more...

Now, Rebekah is coming home ~ and me? I'm looking forward to her being here, but I've gotten used to this empty nest... to being by myself all day, to having quiet times with my hubby in the evenings... It's a kind of paradox... I dreaded her leaving and now it will be an adjustment to have her home.

A couple of weeks ago I started having regular quiet times again in my retreat room... now with Rebekah coming home God spoke to my heart to make it her room again as much as possible. The bookshelves are back in the hallways, the rocker back in our room. The pictures are still hanging on the walls, the curtain is still up, but for the most part it's back to being her room. She needs a place... so my quiet times are now on the rocker in our room, and God ~ He meets me there too... and praise God, my focus has changed to seeking HIM. He is faithfully teaching me so much... and He is preparing my heart to have our daughter home. :o)

Photography

2010-05-08T12:41:00.000-07:00

Recently I took up photography. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. My hubby (to make a long story short) bought me a camera and now we can enjoy this hobby together. I have always wished I could paint - so that I could capture what I see on canvas. The next best thing was always writing, which I love to do. I still longed to be able to express myself in another way - and since painting isn't something I'm gifted at, then maybe photography would be a good thing... and I love it! The following pictures were taken on a get away to the coast for my 49th birthday. Phil and I try and get away at least once a year just for some time away from home and after a rough March and part of April we were ready! The weather was perfect and we really enjoyed ourselves.

I have learned that I not only enjoy taking pictures but I also enjoy the process of 'tweaking' them later to get them looking as near as possible to what my eye actually saw. My husband is a good teacher for teaching me how to 'tweak.'

Expressing myself in this way will soon become a passion, I think, just as writing is starting to become.

Saddened in Heart & Spirit

2010-04-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

I have had a lot on my heart the last few days concerning Christians and the movies many choose to watch that are not glorifying to our Lord. What brought this about is that a Christian radio station had Nicholas Sparks on as a guest - he wrote the book The Notebook that was made into a major motion picture. I found this out because I'm a fan of the afternoon show's hosts page on Facebook and it was on their page and this movie was listed... I had wanted to see this movie because it sounded like it had a great story line. I then read a review for it here and here and that was enough to make me change my mind. When I think of the way sexual intimacy is so damaged by movies like this I have to think... well, what is it worth for eternity to see the movie?

The movie industry has taken sexual intimacy, the gift God intended for man and woman as a married couple, and thrown it in the dirt. Have we as Christians become so desensitized that we don't even notice any more?

Yesterday I was talking to someone who listens to the same radio station I do and wanted her opinion on what took place. I asked her if she was careful of the kind of movies she saw, regarding if they had sex in them or not... her response was "Oh, yes!"

Then, I mentioned The Notebook and how the station had had had Nicolas Sparks on... and she said, "I love that movie!"

I was incredulous, and replied, "You do?!"

By this time her husband had joined us and he said he just fast forwards through sex scenes (you can't do that in the theater!).

I said, "But why should we even watch movies that has that stuff in them when the Bible is clear that we're supposed to be innocent about things that are evil?"

He said, "True."

But then they got a phone call and I left (this was my Chiropractor's office, and they play this radio station in their office).

Not only did this gal love the movie but so do a lot of other people on the fan page of the afternoon show... My husband and I had left a very lengthy comment. We sited Scripture - Romans 16:19b - But I would have you truly wise as to good, and simple toward evil. and Psalm 101:3a - I will set no wicked thing before my eyes. Soon after posting, that comment it was gone... later there were other shorter (much shorter) comments from people that were left and I too, left a shorter comment... but out of 134 comments I could count on one hand the negative ones... meaning against movies like this.

Why is that? Why have we let ourselves as children of God become so callous and desensitized to the things of this world? I am not being 'judgmental' here - the Bible is clear on 'calling Christians on things' (1 Corinthians 5:9-13) being careful to make sure we have no beam in our own eye... (Matthew 7:1-6)

I am not saying I'm perfect, because I'm not - I stumble and fall many times and just as many times God forgives me... for He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins when we confess (1 John 1:9). I am just wondering how God must weep over our callousness and taking something He created as pure and holy and wondrous for marriage and continually throwing it in the dirt by going to movies that have such blatant disregard for the sacredness of sexual intimacy.

An Encounter at Walmart

2010-03-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

The other day I went to Walmart to get a few things and also to pick up a time adjustment sheet for Phil so that he can get paid for his sick/vacation days (he's having to use vacation time for having been off of work for over 2 weeks now... he started with a bad cold that turned into pneumonia).

I was walking back from the personnel office back into the store and Phil's boss was walking with me and she said, "You look exhausted."

I said, "Yeah I am."

There was a lady coming toward us, who overheard our conversation. She looked at me and said, "Comere." She walked up behind me and started rubbing my shoulders... whoa... but the strangest thing was that I was not uncomfortable with this... we stood right there in the middle of the aisle... and Renee went back to the photo lab.

I asked this gal if she worked there and she said no. I told her I was really tight and after a bit she said, "yeah you are."

"I carry stress in my shoulders and I'm really stressed right now, my husband is really sick. I need to give the stress to Jesus." I said.

She didn't say anything but just kept rubbing for a bit and then turned to go... I said, "Thank you very much."

Then as she turned to go, I said, "God bless you."

Her response left me stunned and very nearly in tears.

"No thanks." She said very quietly as she walked away.

Wow... I immediately began praying for her... I know without a doubt that this was a divine appointment. God knows this woman's needs. He knows her heart and why she doesn't want to be blessed by Him. I am asking God to bring her to mind often so that I can pray for her... and that somehow someone will come into her life to lead her to Jesus.

Gifts...

2010-03-06T13:34:00.000-08:00

The other evening my husband and I watched an episode of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman - What is Love? The episode was a Valentine's Day one... and so there were gifts being given. Apparently Dorothy and Jake had a thing going, because there was some kissing between the two of them and Jake gave Dorothy the gift of a beautiful dress.

Part of the episode involved Dorothy coming up with the idea to do Romeo and Juliet on Valentine's Day - the town has auditions and the cast is selected. During Dorothy's coming up with her idea she expresses how she saw a play in another town and how beautiful it was with the stage, the costumes and the red brocade curtains. Loren comments that all the town will be able to afford is bed sheets for curtains. He kind of scoffs at the whole idea.

The Big Day arrives and there is a scene where Loren is waiting on a dusty road for the stage to come by so he can get a package he's waiting for without everyone seeing. As he's waiting Sully comes by and they chat a bit and Sully sees right there Loren in the midst of their conversation that he loves Dorothy...

The time for the play arrives and Loren puts on an act for Dorothy outside her balcony... beckoning her... she refuses to come down so he sweeps up the stairs and lifts her in his arms. The next scene shows them at the outdoor theater and lo and behold... the stage is adorned with red brocade curtains. Dorothy is overjoyed, thrilled - she throws her arms around Loren and plants a kiss on his unsuspecting lips... Jake sees...

As I thought of this later while I was doing the dishes, I thought that Loren gave the better gift because while a dress is a lovely thing to give, part of his gesture was wanting to see Dorothy in the dress - self was involved - he wanted to please his eyes. Loren's give was selfless, because Dorothy really wanted those curtains and while he had scoffed at the idea, he saw her heart and gave out of that.

It makes me stop and think about the gifts I give... what are my motives behind my giving? Do I give selflessly? Or am I looking for kudos? Granted, Loren may have been looking for kudos, but he truly touched Dorothy's heart, by what he chose to give.

Blind or Deaf?

2010-01-23T19:38:00.000-08:00

This was a question on an interview on Facebook - would you rather be blind or deaf?

That question hit a nerve... quite hard... because my husband has been 'defined' as legally blind and my mom has major hearing loss that at times is worse than others because she has meniere's disease.

I can see the frustration that they both deal with - my mom finding it difficult to be in a large group of people, because she can't hear what's going on, or when her hearing is especially bad, having a hard time conversing on the phone. My husband has days when his vision is worse than others - but all the time, he can't see clearly - everything is blurry and he has a hard time making out the shapes of faces of people more than 5-10 feet away.

So, would I rather be deaf or blind? Neither - but if I absolutely had to choose between both - I would choose to be deaf. I would still have my vision so I could see what's going on around me. I could write on notepads to people and they to me and I could also learn sign language.

Oregon Trip '09

2009-11-14T19:50:00.000-08:00

We were in the lounge car of the train and Phil had gone back to our seats to get something, and when the tour guide mentioned that Oregon's longest covered bridge would soon be seen, I hurried and changed the lens so I could get a shot. Guess I used the wrong lens. Oh well. I kind of like it.

On our second full day in Oregon we went to Wings of Wonder, a butterfly farm. It's a tropical hot house filled w/ plants and all kinds of butterflies and moths flying around. http://www.wingsofwonder.us/ I loved just sitting in there... it was so calm and peaceful.

This one landed on Phil's hat. His brother took a picture with his camera, then they transferred the hat to his brother's head, and Phil got a picture.

The chrysalis of a butterfly in the lab. Butterflies make a chrysalis, moths make cocoons.

Geese! When we lived with Phil's mom hearing and seeing them were a real source of comfort to me. I'm so thankful Phil's brother stopped at Basket Slough on the way back from seeing the butterflies.

Hot Air Balloon day! We got to help set the balloon up.

These next pictures are a 'ceremony' to say that we're true aeronauts. We were each given a certificate w/ our names on them signed by Jason (Phil's cousin), the pilot and Janice (his wife) and Myron (Phil's brother), the chase car crew. We then drank sparkling grape juice, not using our hands... and to our surprise sprinkled w/ water by Janice! I felt something wet hit my hand, and thought it was Phil's juice... but then felt water hit my head...

Pic from the train on the way home.
Oops, this one is on the way to Oregon... actually in Oregon - the resevoir that supplies Eugene.

A Book Review - Captivating

2009-10-01T13:43:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I started reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. I got through part of page 27 in chapter 2, when I put the book down, because I started reading fiction again. I can't pick up fiction when I'm reading non-fiction because the non-fiction will get pushed aside, every time. I picked up again September 24 - starting over and am no on pg. 108 of chapter 6. I also have the Guided Journal to go with it. I'm reading the book faster than I'm doing the journal though.

There is a part in the book that makes me ask, did these authors get inside my head? It's that spot on with thoughts and feelings I have had. So, if that's true, then I am not alone, as I have so often thought I was all these years.

The book starts out talking about the wounds we have received over the years and how we are the image bearers of God. It then moves into the healing of those wounds by going to Jesus AND to our Father in heaven.

Snippets from the journal...

The first question asks me to flip back through chapter 1 (The Heart of a Woman) and skim the pages, asking if I highlighted anything, what struck me and what it evoked in my heart...

I wrote:

I highlighted a LOT. What strikes me is that I am not alone in my feelings - it's like my heart was stepped into and written about. It evoked in my heart a deeper longing than was already there - a longing to be me and to not worry about the outer me so much - but to let the inner me, shine. "Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin - a quote in the book.

The next question asks what I like about this chapter...

That is captured so much of what I have felt and speaks of the very struggles I have gone through.

"...there remain places in my heart that still feel so very young..."

"I was left alone to navigate through adolescent..."

"I am not enough and I am too much..."

A question a bit further on asks what I have a hard time believing from the chapter.

I wrote:

That I'll be able to discover who I am as a woman... That I was made for romance... That I possess a beauty all my own to unveil... That I am glorious, powerful, and captivating...

~~~~

This book is changing my thinking and my life... I am not only learning about myself but my eyes are being opened to the hearts of other women in my life and realizing why they may act or think as they do... we're all walking wounded, really, not realizing that we're being stolen from by the enemy of our souls!

Captivating makes it very clear that femininity is under attack by the enemy of our souls - because to be feminine is to carry the image of God - part of it anyway, and because we carry beauty and Satan can no longer carry that beauty - he was cast from heaven because of his beauty - pride of it caused him to be cast out, so now to 'get back at God' he attacks the crown of God's creation - woman.

So, he puts messages in our heads... messages of self-loathing and doubt... messages that I'm not enough, or I'm too much...

From the book - chapter five - A Special Hatred

As women we tend to feel that "it must be me." That's the effect of our early wounds. "Something is fundamentally wrong with me." So many women feel that way. (Why are we working so hard to improve ourselves? Or why do we keep so busy that the issues of our hearts never have to come to the surface?) We also feel that we are essentially alone. And that somehow the two are related. We believe we are alone because are not the women we should be.

We don't feel worthy of pursuit. So we hang a "do not disturb" sign on our personalities, send a "back off" message to the world. Or we desperately seek pursuit, losing all self-respect in an emotional and physical promiscuity. We don't feel that we are irreplaceable, so we try and make ourselves useful. We don't believe we are beautiful, so we work hard to be outwardly beautiful or we " let ourselves go" and hide behind a persona that has no allure. We try so hard, and in so many ways, to protect our hearts from further pain.

Then later in the chapter:

And most of you are living with the guilt that somehow it's your fault you aren't more deeply pursued now. That you do not have an essential role in a great adventure. That you have no beauty to unveil. This message of our wounds nearly always is, "This is because of you. This is what you deserve." It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things happened. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world.

You are hated because of your beauty and power.

Then later:

The evil one had a hand in all that has happened to you. If he didn't arrange for the assault directly--and certainly human sin has a large enough role to play--then he made sure he drove the message of the wounds home into your heart. He is the one who has dogged your heels with shame and self-doubt and accusation. He is the one who offers the false comforters to you in order to deepen your bondage. He is the one who has done these things in order to prevent your restoration. For that is what he fears. he fears who you are; what you might become. He fears your beauty and your life-giving heart. (The book mentions earlier that Satan hates us because we give life.)

Now listen to the voice of your King. This is God's heart toward you:

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent,
for Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet,
till her righteousness shines out like the dawn [until you shimmer],
her salvation like a blazing torch.

The nations will see your righteousness,
and all kings your glory [your beauty];
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the LORD will bestow.

You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's hand [the crown of creation],
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah [my delight is in her],
and your land Beulah [married];
for the LORD will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.

As a young man marries a maiden [he pursues her, romances her] ...
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride [you are lovely],
so will your God rejoice over you. (Isa. 62:1-5, emphasis added)

"But all who devour you will be devoured;
all your enemies will go into exile.
Those who plunder you will be plundered;
all who make spoil of you I will despoil.

But I will restore you to health
and heal your wounds,'
declares the LORD,
`because you are called an outcast,
Zion for whom no one cares." (Jer. 30:16-17)

You really won't understand your life as a woman until you understand this:

You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.
You are passionately hated by his Enemy.

And so, dear heart, it is time for your restoration. For there is One greater than your Enemy. One who has sought you out from the beginning of time. He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul. Let us turn now to him.

Wow - I have a hard time swallowing this... that I am this loved by God and as I moved into the next chapter, Healing the Wound, I am blown away by how loved I am by God and Jesus and by how He wants to heal me. My heart still resists this, but if I can remember that Satan wants my demise, but God - the one who created me - wants my restoration, then, all will be well and I will be healed of all the wounds over the years and become the woman God created me to be.

Mischief

2009-09-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

The other day our neighbor came to our door to ask us if we'd seen anything going on in her backyard while she was gone. Since our apartment buildings are right next to each other and we can see her backyard... she had come home to find rocks and sticks, and boards strewn all about her place, even upstairs. Nothing was missing...

I found out the next day that it was little boys who had done it. Apparently she had left her sliding glass door unlocked. The little boys who did it were 7 and under. Where were their parents?? Doesn't it seem like kids that age doing stuff like that - that the responsibility of their actions would rest on the parents' shoulders?

How sad to think that they are getting into mischief like that now at that age... what does that portend for the future?

I can just imagine how my neighbor felt - coming home and seeing that stuff all over her house - violated - and then to find out it was little boys who did it! What would it feel like to have that sense of being violated by little boys? I wonder if she felt sorry for them... would I have felt sorry them? I would have, like my husband said, made them come in and clean up the mess and ground them for a week of Sundays!

But what of the parents? If they they don't take any action, or even if they do, but don't
change what they're doing to discipline their children, then what? Are we looking at juvenile delinquents in a few years?

There may be no answers to these questions, I'm just getting my thoughts out on it because it really disturbed me.

The Final Letting Go...

2009-08-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here listening to piano music on Last. fm - lately it has become my way of de-stressing, calming down and in essence, taking a step back... a step back to a place of wholeness and well-being. A place that leaves me feeling refreshed and at peace.

I need this right now in the final letting go.

When Rebekah was born and we began raising her I had no thought of one day coming to this place of her leaving the nest - flying away and spreading her wings. I was single-focused - my only thought was raising her...

Have to finish later... can't concentrate right now as there's too much going on...

Next day... it's Friday now, and tomorrow my little birdie leaves the nest. To some extent she's already left... because she's been as independent as she can the last few years while still living at home.

I have been letting go since she was 17 when she went on her first mission trip to Ecuador. Then 2 years later she went on a mission trip to China. She's been going to school since '06, working and spending time w/ her boyfriend - in other words she's been gone a lot. But, this... this is the final letting go - her going off to a university 3 hours away... it's time for her to soar, I get that. At the same time, it's ok for me to shed some tears... which I'm sure I will do a lot of... but not for long, because as someone told me the other day, it's time for me to spread my wings too. And therein lies some fear... can I? Will I? How do I? I'll let you know...

Me, a Writer?

2009-08-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

I may have 'blogged' on this before... but I don't remember for sure, and I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head about being a Writer, since yesterday and they are begging to get out of my head and into the written word.

Yesterday when I checked on the FaithWriters forum to see if my most recent story had placed in the winning entries, I was shocked and pleasantly surprised to see that it had. For most of the day I thought I had placed 5th (I got one of 2 highly commended spots), which was very cool - I was elated and tears of joy were in my eyes. Later I realized that I had not placed 5th, but 4th. I was even more ecstatic, because that meant I was even closer to the top 3. I began thanking the Lord - I had earlier too, when I thought I had placed 5th. Now, don't get me wrong. 5th place is great, in fact, I have learned not to care if I place or not, so when I do, either in the winning entries or later in the highest ranked (winning entries are posted on Thursday mornings, and highest ranked late in the day, or the next day), it is an especially nice surprise.

What got me going though - and I know I've had these thoughts before, but yesterday they were especially poignant. My heart was leaping within me that the desire I have had for years, that the dreams I have cherished - were coming to pass, that I am a Writer. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to write and did write. I loved writing assignments in my grade school years. One assignment I remember particularly well from 6th grade is when we had to look at a picture and write a story about it. My picture was of Geneva Switzerland. I have wanted to go there ever since. One time when I was a little girl wrote a story once in pencil that I kept hidden in my closet. I wish I still had that. I took a any writing class I could in high school and loved it. My favorite writing assignment in my Creative Writing class was writing about what we imagined our life would be like in 25 years. Mine ended up being 25 pages long... in those days it was all hand-written. I still remember some of the details, and that was more than 30 years ago.

So, yesterday I was overwhelmed with feelings of being gifted and that God had given me the gift and all I could do was thank Him. I am so humbled that He would gift me with this... I have always loved to read and part of that is seeing how word are strung together, part of it is just loving to be taken different places in what I read. So, to know that people are reading my work and liking it, maybe having the same feelings amazes me. Some of the comments I got from other writers on FW astounded me... that people could get what they did out of my writing. The story can be found here, along with comments made.

The best thing about the writing I'm doing now is that my mom has become one of my biggest fans. She may forget to comment now and then, but when she does, she is such an encouragement to me.

The prayer of my heart is that I will be able to continue to write as God gives me the stories, or whatever... and that in that, I will stay humble and teachable.

Yosemite

2009-08-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

Goodness, talk about being slow to the draw, but at least I'm finally here, ready to write about our trip. We had a fantastic time. We did so much walking/hiking; probably 12-15 miles if not more, in 5 days. We are so thankful we were able to take this vacation. It was much needed. I had written about our trip on a message board, so here it is:

We left for our trip Monday, June 22.We got away an hour later than we had planned, but that was OK, because we arrived in plenty of time. I didn't have to stop as often as we thought I would. Phil hasn't driven for over 2 years because of his eyes and this is the farthest I've ever driven. We only had to stop a few times; once to stretch our legs, another for gas and then for lunch. It was a late lunch because we couldn't find any place to pull of on our way through Fresno! I didn't particularly relish pulling off, trying to find a place and getting lost! LOL We stopped at Subway for lunch that was right on the freeway as we went through Coarsegold.

We got into Mariposa - and we couldn't find the house! The map was a bit confusing... or maybe Phil wasn't reading it right... but anyway, we eventually found it. If not for driving around a lot we would have been there by 3:30 or so... as it was we got there about 3:40-3:45... check in is at 4. Phil didn't think we should go in until 4 so we sat at the table on the patio until 4. LOL I set right to 'nesting'... putting everything away in the kitchen, checking things out... putting our clothes in the drawers in the 2 drawer dresser in the bedroom, putting toiletries in the bathroom...

That evening we just settled in... had dinner, went for a short walk - and ended up at the Chamber of Commerce - that I was surprised was open until 8! We picked up a bunch of information. We got back to the cottage and watched some TV, checked out information in the guide book and pamphlets and maps they had available, and that we had picked up, deciding where we wanted to go in Yosemite since we had never been there before.

Tuesday we stayed in town, since it was our anniversary and I didn't really feel like driving anywhere quite yet... although on this trip God gave me the gift of liking to drive! We walked to town and went to the museum. Apparently in it's day, Mariposa was a gold rush town. I noticed a butterfly quilt for raffle and so asked what was with the butterflies, because we had seen the butterfly wall along the main street. We were informed that Mariposa means butterfly. Every year they have a butterfly festival where they release butterflies, that the town has saved up to buy, with donation jars throughout the town. That would be a sight to see! At the museum we bought a small vial of fluid with gold flakes in it.

After our time at the museum we walked around a bit more and then went to lunch at Happy Burger Diner. Phil had a taco salad and I had a Teriyaki chicken salad. The walls and ceiling were covered with album covers. We then went home and took a nap! Later that evening we walked around more when it was cooler, and Phil got pictures of the courthouse, an old home, and the butterfly imprints on the sidewalk. It was quite a long walk we took and we stopped at Happy Burger Diner and had ice cream. Perfect way to end the day!

Wednesday was our day to head into Yosemite. What a gorgeous but windy drive. I didn't go more than 35-40 on those curves and the speed limit for a good part of it was 55! There was no way I was going to drive that fast and I was glad for the turnouts so I could let people pass me.

It was really hot that day, but we had our hats on, were slathered with sunscreen, had our water bottle and were ready to sight see! On our way into Yosemite we saw a gorgeous raging river with huge rapids. It was hard to get good pictures of it because of the sun being so bright. But at least to our eyes it was beautiful!

There were a lot of people there in Yosemite Valley, and one time on the shuttle bus there was standing room only... We saw beautiful waterfalls, huge rocks... We saw El Capitan with a climber on it, Half Dome, and Half Dome reflected in Mirror Lake. At one spot where there was a little creek with a view of Upper and Lower Yosemite Falls, there was a stone bench with 3 arms and 2 seats. I sat down in the shadier spot. It was just the right height for my legs, and ahhh, it was so nice and cool! My legs had really been hurting, but this refreshed them! When I got up from that bench, my legs didn't hurt as bad as they had been and hardly hurt the rest of the day! A gift from God!

We stopped at the gift store at one point, where I got a sweatshirt, and we got a pair of socks for Rebekah that have a butterfly on each cuff and on the other side it says Yosemite and we got my brother a hat for his bday.

So, at one point before we went to see Half Dome from Mirror Lake - we almost didn't go, because I was so done... but then I thought, if we don't take this opportunity, we will really regret it, and I would feel awful that Phil would miss it because of me! So I gathered up my courage, got my second wind and off we went to get on the shuttle to take us to the hiking spot. It was a paved road and very wide... and it was so nice to be out of the crush of people and to have a wide enough area that we could pass people or be passed... We stopped and took pictures along the way of the 'creek.'

At then end of the road was a dirt trail... not to bad... Half Dome - impressive! Phil got some pictures and we had stopped on the way back, where he took a picture of moss on a tree - looking up the tree and then we were gonna head back. This guy came right up to Phil from up the trail and said, "I don't know what kind of photography you're into, but the light up there by the lake is perfect for a reflection of Half Dome." We didn't know there was any more lake to see! It's an odd shaped 'lake' - he told us which way to go... just up the trail and around the bend to the right... Wow! Absolutely incredible. The reflection of Half Dome was amaaazing. We were so glad that guy told us and that we went that little ways to see it... Wow...

We went on back down the road and were at our car by 6:30. We found Phil's window wide open... uh-oh. We had eaten our lunch in the car when we arrived at noon and Phil had opened his window, but then we opened our doors for more of a breeze to come through. He doesn't remember if he left his window open... he thinks he pointed to his window to show me how far to leave it open a crack... but isn't 100% sure. So... the window is down... but nothing is missing... I turn the car on. The gas gauge which was at just a bit under 1/2 a tank when we got there shoots up to 7/8 of a tank. It has acted weird before... but not that much... we wondered if because of the sign in our car - our old JUST MARRIED sign along w/ a smaller sign that said 25 Years Ago! someone had gotten the window down, unlocked the door, so they could get to the open the gas tank with the lever and give us some gas... personally I think Phil just forgot to roll his window up. So... we wondered if maybe something was wrong with the gas tank. We stopped at a gas station when we got back to Mariposa. It only took 5 gallons of gas. The gas tank is fine. Hmmmmm....

Thursday we stayed in town and didn't drive anywhere. We walked around town a bit, took a nap, played Scrabble a couple of times, and generally just took it easy. That evening we cleaned everything up and packed what we could and loaded what we could into the car - checkout was 10 a.m. Friday. We decided to eat breakfast out Friday morning at Happy Burger Diner so that I could have the kitchen completely clean per their requirements and not have to mess with it Friday morning. We were out of there by 9 Friday morning.

Phil and I shared a Denver Omelet Breakfast and it was THE BEST omelet I have ever had. It came w/ country fried potatoes, 2 pieces of sausage and 2 pieces of toast. We were glad we shared.

We set off to go to Mariposa Grove which was 'on our way home' in another part of Yosemite National Park - another curvy road. We got to the parking lot and as we were getting out of the car I said, "I must not put my keys in my purse." I got distracted. I put my keys in my purse where they always go, put my purse in the trunk and shut it without even realizing. We needed something out of the car. Uh-oh! Pamela learned a lesson in feeling out of control and not getting frustrated while Phil remained calm. It's a long story of how we got the keys... but with a hanger a kind stranger had, and team work along with prayer, we got the car open and were able to pull the trunk release and get the keys.

The giant sequoias - wow. What a hike that was! Goodness! Steep, lots of things to watch out for so we wouldn't trip. We wouldn't do that part of Yosemite again, even though it was pretty... we liked Yosemite Valley much better.

We leave the park, and head on down the freeway to go home... the gas gauge is not budging much to even 7/8 of a tank... I told Phil, "Honey, I don't understand this, we haven't even used half la tank yet." We kept going... we got to Kettleman City which is about an hour from home (it takes 4 hours to get to Yosemite). We put gas in the car... still only 5 gallons... we got home and we had gone over 500 miles... on only $20 of gas! God gave us a miracle... never had we gotten such great gas mileage!

You can see the pictures of our trip here, rather then me posting them all here... if you like click on the first picture and then go through them that way as it gives a description on each picture.

Writings

2009-07-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

To read my latest stories on Faithwriters go here. The latest 2 stories are on the top... but of course if you wait to go here then newer stories will be on the top... lol - Summer of Grace the topic was Summer (the season) and I placed 33 overall (186 entries) and 11th in my level (Advanced) out of 54 entries. I have learned to not care any more if I place or not, so when I do, I'm very surprised and blessed. The second story on the list is actually a poem and the topic was Twilight (years of life) and it's about my Grandma - my Dad's mom. He liked it so much that he's going to send it to his siblings. :-) yay! You are of course welcome to read any stories on my list...

I will try and update soon, as I need to share about our trip to Yosemite and about our anniversary party. I may get to it today, but not sure as I'm getting ready for guests tonight.

Have a blessed day, week, etc.!

God Said Yes

2009-06-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

When Phil and I were dating we started talking about marriage only a few months into our relationship.... yes we were that serious, that quick... he has pursued me even when I had a 'wall up' due to still hoping this other guy I had liked for a very long time would show an interest in me. When I finally took that wall down... ziiinnng, my heart was smitten! It really helped that we were good friends first, as our relationship evolved into "something infinitely more dear" (to quote Mr. Knightly in Emma).

Here are some pictures of when we were dating:

After we had been together awhile and were talking about getting married we read an article in the Last Days Newsletter put out by Keith Green and His wife, Melody on being unequally yoked. Now, we were both Christians, but were raised in different churches and had some theological differences and knew that those could cause some problems down the road. We strongly felt that we should pray about our desire to marry and be willing to have God say no. That was the hardest prayer we have ever prayed, because we really did want God to say yes. :-)

Obviously, he did. I honestly don't remember how we knew He said yes, but I'm sure we both had a peace in our hearts about it.

Here's the engagement announcement my parents sent out the Christmas before we got married:

I loved that my folks said they were introducing their # 4 son. :-) I was raised with 3 brothers and I was the only girl!

A week from today on June 23 Phil and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary with a trip to Yosemite. We are very excited!

Here's the announcement we sent to people letting them know of the party we will have when we return from our trip:

Phil and I are very happy and grow more and more in love every day. He is the perfect man for me and I am the perfect woman for him. God ordained that we should be together and how blessed we are that He did!

Empty Nest

2009-06-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.faithwriters.com/wc-article-level3.php?id=29939

This my latest story on FW. I will write more about it here, later, but for now, the link is enough, because I need to run and pick hubby up from work.

Another Entry From... The Past

2009-05-23T11:54:00.001-07:00

I hope to keep up on these entries from the past more regularly now especially since I found another journal from the same time. I was getting some stuff down from the shelf on my side of the closet to look for something and I decided to just grab one of the journals to read... and it was the one right after the one I've been blogging on... wow! My life makes for some fascinating, encouraging - because of God - reading! :-)

12/10/1993

Even though I am not faithful in my quiet time the Lord is faithful to me when I start to worry or fear what will happen to us. For instance, why hasn't the insurance informed yet - what they're going to pay? And how on earth are we going to make it w/ no income - I get in the pit of utter despair - almost, but the Lord comes with His words of comfort and promise. He has not forgotten us - nor will He leave us. I must hang on to the promises of God or I will surely go crazy. Sometimes I find myself in so much pain - I have never been in a place of such despair where I just sob, often. And when I have sobbed before it's been because of Phil and I "fighting." This then is a totally different kind of brokenness and I don't like being broken - I don't like being in a place of total dependence on God. So now, finally I am being brutally honest - and Lord I know you hear me - can you work with this deeply wounded bleeding heart - this soul that wants to be independent and not so totally dependent on you? And yet, Lord where or what would I be without you? And Phil, Lord - I still see your promise coming to pass - he is gaining by degrees new confidence and trust in you. He was a little encouraged by being "turned down" for Social Security yesterday - makes him wonder what you're doing and if you have healing in mind. Can you help me Lord - keep me strong to keep encouraging him?

-see Streams...- I must have really gotten something out of Streams in the Desert on this date.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Compassion and the god of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings so also you share in our comfort."

12/15/93

At times the anger I feel seeks to rise up and strangle me, choking me with its harsh accusations and unreality. But - I need to be at a place to admit and acknowledge the anger so that it doesn't swallow me whole. About what am I angry? I'm angry that Phil sees himself as worthless and therefore acts worthless - I'm angry that we are put in this position of total dependence on God and that life seems to be spinning out of control and there's a thing we can do about it. The anger itself is not always present - it lies dormant an springs to life at the most inopportune moments. But I have a choice to let it eat me or to "eat it." I can with the strength of my Lord rise above it and come through victorious!

Psalm 18:16-19 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes who were too strong for me. they confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the Lord was my support. he brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me."

A spacious place - I am not caged in but free - I am rescued and given space, a place to roam and wander - to be in awe. The Lord has not left me in a sea of troubles but He is here with me! He rescued me because He delights in me - I can't fathom it or put it into words - but how wonderful!

It's interesting to note how up and down I was and how I felt about being dependent on God. It would seem that with how things were going I would want to be dependent on Him, but it was what it was... and if my sharing my story in all its brutal honesty can help someone, then, I'm more than happy to share... to help comfort someone as it says in the Corinthian passage quoted above.

On Aging and Wrinkles...

2009-05-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

...what a thing to write about, eh? I had a kind of epiphany the other day after some pictures my husband took of my doll and me... bless his heart he got me the porcelain doll I wanted for my birthday. She's beautiful! Here are some pictures:

The epiphany came when I looked at this picture of me. I was having a hard time turning 48. I realized that part of that was because I didn't look 48... people are forever telling me how young I look and while I like that, it has bothered me too, because I feel that people thinking I'm younger, they also treat me younger... well, would you look at this picture? I look both young and old... just look at those wrinkles! Yes! I like my wrinkles! Well, most of them, anyway. ;-)

Hmmm, I wonder if I can come up with an acrostic for wrinkles...

Wear
Radiantly
Instead of being
Negative,
Kindly
Let
Everyone
See your character marks!

That's how I feel... why should I who have lived almost half a century want to cover up my age? I have, by the grace of God come through a lot. He determined when I would be born, and how long I would live... why shouldn't I want everyone to know how far my Lord has brought me? Not hiding my age, but being thankful that God has seen fit to bless me with so many years.

I hope I remember this when I turn that big five-o!

No Matter What Our Age...

2009-04-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a friend (I'll refer to her as "C") took me out for lunch for my birthday (it's Sunday) and she had asked me the day before if I minded if an elderly (in her 90's) lady (I'll refer to her as "D") came with us. I don't know her real well, but I said that would be fine. I know that she is lonely and I just figured it would be a nice gesture.

We went to the new 'fish house' in town and had a delicious lunch. Afterward we stopped at Trader Joe's to get a few things. They have a sample of the day every day and yesterday's was carrot cake w/ cream cheese frosting. That was the best carrot cake I have ever had. "D" bought one. All that's required is to defrost them and enjoy.

Later, while I was resting, "C" called me and said that "D" wanted to split the cake 3 ways between us. She also told me that "C" didn't think I liked her, so to give her a hug or something... wow... that thought blew me away, that a woman that age would still be having thoughts and fears, truth be told, of not being liked.

I will be 48 on Sunday and sometimes I know I still have thoughts like that, but I really thought that as I grew older that would lessen, but now I wonder, being a woman, will I always be subject to the 'pecking order' - always wondering if so-and-so likes me? I don't think I have to be subject to that. If I am leaning on Christ and letting Him be my strength, then do I really have to care whether someone likes me or not? Wouldn't be best for me to always 'be the best I can be' without worrying over matters that should have slipped through my hands a long time ago? Should I, a woman in my 40's, even be having thoughts like that now? Who, after all, can read a person's mind?

If I am wondering, twisting my hands in worry, if someone likes me or not, isn't that really a form of pride? I want to say right here, that I am in no way slamming this beautiful, delightful lady... "C's" comment to me just made me stop and think, is all, and I thought I would process it out here. :)

What is my lot in life? Does the Bible say anywhere, Worry about who likes you? No... a verse just came to mind about what the Bible does tell me. It's found in Micah 6:8. He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you but to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God? If I would take this verse and apply it to my life, the very heart of it, to my every day living, then I would have no time to worry about whether someone likes me or not. I would be too busy sincerely living for the Lord to wonder...

Alas, I am not perfect, and I will have days, and right now I have them more often than not, where I am not living my life fully for the Lord and I will wonder if so-and-so likes me... but I can pray that I will not have those thoughts... that I will ask the Lord to give me strength and that I would rest, in HIS LOVE for me, which in reality should be enough.

Jesus wasn't liked by a lot of people, but He didn't let that stop Him from living for God and doing what the Lord required of Him... He lived with passion and He gave out of the abundance of a heart fully devoted to God.

Oh, that I would even be just a little bit like Him every day...

An Outing & God Speaking

2009-04-08T14:51:00.000-07:00

On Sunday afternoon my husband and I drove to Shell Creek where wild flowers are blooming profusely this time of year. There wasn't much color this year, mostly yellow. Only up on closer inspection did I see any other color flowers, which I picked and tucked in the journal I always take with me to Shell Creek. Shell Creek is the name of the road the flowers are on. Hubby takes pictures, as do I, by writing. :) 4/5/09 Shell Creek Rd. First time just me and my honey. The moon, pale in the sky above the sage green hills, graced with many trees. Fields of yellow kiss the foothills... the splendor and glory of God manifest in each petal and blade of grass.

Lately I have been enjoying the beauty of God's creation as I drive between Templeton and Paso. I don't when I have ever enjoyed the beauty surrounding our area so much. I am just basking in it lately. In a small way it stirs my heart to want to create; I hope it stirs it more as time goes on.

Seeing my husband taking pictures stirs my heart with joy and I hope he can continue doing so
for years to come.

The birds are creative in their songs to their maker, trilling out love songs.

The red ribbon on this journal blowing in the breeze, reminds me of a ribbon on a straw hat.

I sit on a log now and before me is a jumble of large branches, with smaller branches poking up every which way. Fallen long ago, with no more life, they have become stagnant -- no, dead. Only a reminder of what they once were.

Around them life life continues to thrive; the grasses, "tall," gently bending to the will of the wind.

The wind adds its harmony to the symphony of creation, blending without distracting...

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit, is cut off and cast aside. I want to be willing to be pruned, not fight the pruning shears, but knowing that the work being done is for my good and for God's glory. A necessity for my growth and maturity.

Life continues, even as the pruning is done, for God does not leave me; His life continues to flow through me. Bright colors and pale, blended together make up the kaleidoscope of my heart, reflecting the all consuming love of my Savior, causing my growth and my heart.

I love getting in reflective mode and letting the words just pour from my heart through the pen on to the paper.

The process of writing brings such joy to my heart as does mentoring...

The shadows lengthen, adding beauty to the golden
day.

More From The Past

2009-03-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

As I read the journal I mentioned in another post, I began to see that I was really struggling. While I did cry out to God a lot, I also had a lot of pain and sometimes anger. Over the next several days/weeks, I'll be posting more of the entries from that time - the good and the bad... again in hopes that someone will be encouraged. I hope that my sharing everything verbatim will not make any one uncomfortable, since I prayed a lot in my journals...

12/8/93

I feel so very overwhelmed at times - I don't seem to know which way is up or down any more. It can be very frustrating. Phil hasn't been feeling well the last few days and so things we want to get done, don't. I am so weighted down at times. Lord, please lift me up to soar on the wings of your mercy and grace. Keep me in focus, dear Lord, on you.

"God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us." Romans 5:4 (emphasis mine). Poured, not trickled or dripped, but poured and the pitcher never empties - it is forever full to keep on pouring. Thank you, Lord for the gift of your love, poured out. It's as Melinda prayed yesterday as I see all you have given, that much more am I able to give and cheerfully.

Lord, seeing my husband so ill is not an easy row to hoe - but Lord I know that suffering brings perseverance and perseverance, character and character, hope. So Lord, may I be a willing vessel in your hands so that I will develop from this suffering that what you would have me develop. Fill up Oh Lord to move on in you.

Joy on a Child's Face

2009-03-28T15:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon as I was walking up to the doors of the library my vision was caught by the sight of a little boy. He was no more than 18 months, maybe two, but that's stretching it. There were small leaves strewn about the cobblestone and he was kicking at them. His daddy was right nearby stepping on the leaves, so they would crunch under his feet and the boy would get the right idea to do the same. Sure enough, pretty soon, he was stepping on the leaves too.

The look of pure unabashed joy on this boy's face sent my heart soaring and put a smile on my face. Delight was his companion right then, and I loved seeing the interaction between father and son. A warm Spring day filled with hearts connecting.

I long for a heart like that. Pure joy and delight in the world around me - God's creation. And actually, this year as Spring has approached, for the first time in quite awhile I have been noticing the beauty as I drive to pick Phil up from work. The pink and white flowering trees are glorious. The fuchsia colored shrub along the freeway draws my eye every time I drive past it. I wish I wasn't driving so I could just stare.

As I look out to the north the velvet green hills beckon me and I just want to keep driving toward them. It is so beautiful. A peaceful feeling settles over me each time I've looked that direction lately. I think nature has always had that affect on me, but I had forgotten. In the seeming busyness of my life, I forget to stop and smell the roses, to enjoy all that God has to show me of His wonderful creation.

As much as I love the outdoors I wonder why I've become so reclusive from it... spending too much time indoors... hmmm, something to ponder.

Yesterday before I went into town to the library I went for a walk. The time for daffodils blooming is past, but there in a field I walked by were some white and yellow ones, faces lifted to the sun. Wild daffodils? Not sure, if there is such a thing, since they're from a bulb, but there they were, a bright spot to my walk. :)

So, I guess, in a sense, I'm being like that little boy and taking pleasure in the small things, that really aren't so small, after all, because they are big enough to give me peace and fill my heart with joy. All gifts from the Creator, who gave me creation as a gift, so I would, in turn, praise Him.

Treasures From My Heart - From the Past

2009-03-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

I picked up an old journal the other day, that goes from November of 1993 to April of 1994. I want to give a little history on this journal and then I'd like to post things from it in hopes that it will bring encouragement to someone.

In October of 1993 my husband was in the hospital because of a severe low blood sugar. While in the hospital tests they ran showed him to be anemic. Thus began a battery of tests to find out why. After a month of testing we found out he was in end stage renal disease - kidney failure. We had just moved in w/ his mom in hopes of saving up for a down payment on a place of our own. Because of Phil's sickness the Dr. told him to quit working (he had just been made manager of the place he worked) or he would end up 'killing himself.' So, he quit w/o giving any notice at all. So there we were w/o an income.

2 weeks later the pastor of the church we were going to at the time gave a sermon on giving. Afterward he mentioned that there was a need in the church and that we were going to put into practice what he had just preached on and he called Phil and I up to the front... people lined up clear to the back of the church and we were given enough money to last us until the aid we needed kicked in. That morning I had asked God for just enough money to buy a new journal sensing that I he would provide it... boy did he! The journal I'm posting from is that journal. :)

In this journal I cry out to God a lot, because my soul was ii such turmoil... and I realize in reading through it now, that I need to be desperate for God all the time, not just when I'm feeling 'low' - God wants me to always be depending on Him. So this journal is encouraging me now, as I see what God did back then and how He longs to be in my life now...

Here's an entry:

12/5/93

The winds of change batter my life mercilessly, leaving me weak and weary. Wind, that force of nature that can wreak havoc on the unsuspecting, forever marring its beauty. Wind to me has always been a formidable force, not to be reckoned with. but as I sat, listened and watched, one day, wind gave me a lesson, it brings clouds to water the earth and replenish it of its source of growth. There are clouds - dark ones - in my life right now, there for a purpose - to mature me and grow me further into my Lord's image.

Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us."

When we are suffering, we learn to make it, to endure and stand fast, our feet firmly planted on the Rock. We become stronger people, and develop more fully. We are learning to stand. As we develop and learn to stand, hope is produced for we, by God's strength have made it this far - we can go on and on making it - and we will not be disappointed for the Spirit of God Himself has poured His love into our hearts.

God wants to develop character in us so that we will have hope and put our trust in Him. I had been saying all along that suffering produces character and here is in the Bible. I didn't know what character was for though. Praise God! He knows!

From Ecstatic to Weepy in Less Than 24 Hours

2009-03-20T08:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning we received some fantastic news. Our daughter heard from Pepperdine University, where she applied a month or so ago. There were 7,000 applicants and they are taking only 800. They were impressed with her academic accomplishments and her personal qualifications, making her the kind of student they want. But, she is on the wait list... and will find out for sure in June or July if she was accepted because someone else denied their acceptance... even though she didn't get accepted yet, the fact that she got on the wait list, to me, is huge! I was jumping up and down inside yesterday every time I thought about it. I'm so very proud of her... she has done a lot to get this far. She may have gotten a 'slow start' but that's OK! She's just turned 23 this month and is finishing up her last semester at Community college and will have her AA if she remembers to apply for it! LOL

Yesterday some thoughts were running through my head about all this that had me kind of sad, but not wanting to dampen my own joy, I pushed them aside! I didn't want to rain on my own parade, so to speak.

But this morning with both Phil and Rebekah being at work (Rebekah was home yesterday) the feelings I tried to push aside are hitting me full force. The thoughts come hard and fast and there is no stopping them.

So, I suppose that this blog today will me just me 'letting it all hang out' because I need an avenue of release today.

Normally when children go off to college the parents of said child take them to school and get them 'settled in' - well I'm not sure we will be able to do that since I do all the driving now since my husband was told by his eye Dr. not to drive any more. He hasn't driven for almost 2 years. I just don't do long distances... the furthest I will have ever driven will be this summer when we go to Yosemite for our 25th anniversary (yay!). But I guess if I really want to see where she will be going to school, then I need to just do it!

So, I was feeling really out of sorts about the fact that we might not do the above nor, ever get to see where she's going to school... and she's not even been accepted yet! Sheesh...

Really, I think the fact that there is a huge possiblity of her leaving home is what's really hitting me. And I'm very fortunate in that, she's 23 and still at home... but maybe that's what's making this harder. I know a lot of people probably think that's 'just not right' that she's still at home at this age... but I beg to differ... lol She has said that if she doesn't go to school this fall, that she does want to move out... so either way I really think that this is the year... and if so, she'll be following in my footsteps in a way, because aside from one year away at Bible college (18-19) I lived at home until I was 23 also, when I got married.

So... this morning the floodgates just opened and the tears flowed. Funny, I thought I had let go so much, and I have, but now that the reality of my daughter moving out is at the forefront... well, I still have some more letting go to do, obviously!

I have to remember, as a young friend pointed out to me that Rebekah will have some feelings of sadness too, once she's gone from home. But this morning... my thoughts were on how sad I will be... and even writing that now, makes the tears want to start flowing again... makes me really wonder... what is it that's hard about letting go? Is it my wanting 'control'? Maybe to a certain degree... but I think it's more that my role as a mom will be changing again... or will it? Yeah, in a sense, because she will no longer be in our home. I won't hear her cheery voice in the morning, or check at night when I get up to use the bathroom to see if she's home yet. She will no longer be coming home at night, or other times... it will just be really different... and I will miss her so!

Funny, when we hold those little bundles of joy in our arms for the first time, we don't think of the day that they will be leaving the nest. I suppose if we did, we wouldn't be much of a parent! I myself would have been emotional all the time and not ready and not able TO parent... anyway... letting go... as I was thining of my sadness on this earlier, the Lord reminded me that He undersrtands everything I go through. I am not alone in this and I can run to Him with my tears and my heart-wrenching sobs.

Would I want her to forever stay at home? No. So, even though the letting go is one of the hardest things I've ever done, it's necessary for both of us. Her for spreading her wings, and me for growth in entrusting her to God, the one whom she belongs to in the first place.

The Sunday before last there was a baby dedication at church... and I had some things on my mind about Rebekah already and had been teary... so seeing that baby dedication sent me 'over the top' and I had to leave the sanctuary and go into the bathroom to 'pull myself together' - I was about ready to burst into a full blown sobbing. I remember the day we dedicated Rebekah. She was just 2 weeks old... I look so young in the picture we have of that moment and so proud... and am I any less proud now that she has this possible opportunity? No! I would not deny her these experiences of life.

So, while the final letting go will be hard, I will be okay... sure the tears will be shed, and I may close myself off for awhile, but in the end, I will be okay... and stand among the ranks of moms who have done this before me, saying, that's my girl! And always be one proud mama!

Out of Sync/Blessed

2009-03-07T12:13:00.000-08:00

What an oxymoron eh?

I have been 'sick' to some degree since the first part of February and I have gotten totally out of sync. It all started w/ a bad head cold that turned into an ear infection and cough. The 'cold' and cough are gone, but the ears continue to have problems and I have felt quite fatigued. Part of me wonders if I am 'making excuses' for not doing certain things... but the thing that is bothering me the most is what I have allowed to happen w/ my spiritual life. It seems I have 'set it on the shelf' and not really done anything to help myself be where I should be w/ Jesus. I know I have a responsibility and I have done hardly anything about it this last month. When I started to feel better, I did have some quiet times, but now w/ the ear problem worsening again, I have let a lot of things slide. I didn't go to Bible study this week and so have completely forgotten to work on my Bible study for this coming week... :o(

I wonder about myself - what is it that makes me get so slack when I'm sick that I don't take the time to journal or read my Bible, or work on Bible study... part of it I know is not being able to concentrate well when I'm really sick (brain cells seem to freeze up) - but that shouldn't keep me from reading God's word - even just a verse or 2 a day. When I get to where I'm feeling better then I have gotten out of the habit of having quiet times and doing my Bible study and it's hard for me to pick it up again and I really don't like that about myself and it makes me very sad.

Yesterday I was feeling very down and just out of sorts... I didn't look my best and I really didn't care. My ear was hurting again, after just having been to the Dr. (PA) again on Monday and her saying the ear infection was cleared up. I was able to make an appointment for the afternoon, just an hour before I had to pick my husband up from work. Around 2:00 my best friend here in California who lives in our apartment complex called me and and said she had something for me. She had been to the thrift store and bought me a pair of jeans and a shirt... she brought them over... I love them! I was a mess - meaning I just didn't look as good as I could have for going out... but I really didn't care, until my friend brought me the clothes... that gave me such a boost that she would do that for me! I quickly took a shower and washed my hair and put on the new 'duds', put on some makeup and did my hair. It was nice to 'do something w/ myself' because of what my friend blessed me with... I was still feeling crummy and fatigued, but it certainly gave me a boost...

Sad thing is, I wish it would have been my spending time in the word instead that had given me the boost.

More on Losing Myself to Cyberspace...

2009-02-28T14:30:00.000-08:00

The other day after I posted what I did and then laid down to rest... I then got up and had a quiet time. I have a little devotional called Daily Light. It has readings for both morning and evening. Each entry starts out w/ a main 'theme' verse and then verses after that, having to do with that theme. It's woven together in paragraph form with the references all on the bottom of the page.

I opened up it up that morning and was astounded at what I read. How many times will that happen in my life? Where I know God is speaking directly to me to meet something in me... I am truly blown away by how much He loves me and how He knows me so well as to bring things into my life that are right where I'm at. That truly shows the importance of being in His Word!

So, anyway... here is what I journaled: (some may be a repeat of the post from the other day)

2/26/09

I have so "lost myself" that I don't even know half the time what my thoughts and feelings are any more. I feel completely lost in this fog in my head.... and in my heart? How is it that I have become so cluttered, I don't even know my own self any more?

I have let the things of this world pull me away from true joy and true beauty. I am a victim of technology - and have let myself get consumed by the "things" of the world - namely - the computer... things really were much simpler BPC. I have allowed my life to be drained away by the pull of a machine....

How did I ever get along without a computer before? Fine. Then why when I think of giving it up do I not like that thought? What is it that has lured me into its trap? Could I, would I give it up? Not completely, no - but quite a bit, yes... wow ---> after writing that last bit I opened up Daily Light. The very first verse... Lamentations 3:40 "Let us search and examine our ways, and turn back to the LORD." That is exactly it - turning back to Him wholeheartedly, not w/ just part of me, but seeking Him so much, that my life is truly lea by Him. This then: "Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my mind and my heart (Psalm 26:2). Behold You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part you make me to know wisdom (Psalm 51:6). ......

We have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. And He Himself is the propitiation for our sins (I John 2:1-2). Therefore brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a High Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water (Hebrews 10:19-22)."

"Let us search and examine our ways and turn back to the LORD; let us lift our hearts and hands to God in heaven." Lamentations 3:40-41

Examine my ways
Turn my heart to the Lord
Lift my heart and my hands to God in heaven.

It is not just my hands that need to be lifted, but my heart as well... in every way... what good is the outward show if inwardly my heart is not being lifted... I need to willingly lift my heart to the Lord to be examined by Him and allow Him to make necessary changes and quit fearing the pain of those changes... the pain of surrender and dying to self... I need to quit fearing examining myself when the opportunities to do so arise.

2/27/09

Daily Light...

Dead and Alive - what a contrast! "Reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:11

-Dead- done away with, gone, no longer living, rotting, sorrow

-Alive- vivacious, beating heart, active, full of joy...

Being alive is all that God wants for me. When I think of that word it fills me with excitement and joy and a sense of just bubbling over. To be dead to sin is to walk away from it and why would I want to be alive to sin - that's just wrong... the contrast there is great... sin vs. alive... Sin speaks death and sorrow whereas obedience speaks of life and joy.

Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; it is not longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

What does this look like?

Lord, show me.

Have I Lost Myself to Cyberspace?

2009-02-26T08:18:00.000-08:00

This is the question I'm pondering this morning. I used be an avid journaler. I would journal my feelings about almost everything... getting my thoughts sorted out on paper, listening to God as He listened to me and then answered the cries of my heart as I poured my feelings out on paper. Many times jounraling is what saved my sanity, so to speak. I would wonder why I was feeling a certain way and as I took pen to paper, things I didn't even know I was thinking would come gushing forth. I would then be able to connect with myself and really know who I was and know who God was by the things He would show me from His Word as He would bring passages to mind for me to read, so that I could hear from Him about any given dilemma I might be writing about.

Now... that doesn't happen much any more. I miss it. It's really rare for me to sit down with my journal and just write. I say I don't have time. That's not true. If I wouldn't spend so much time in cyberspace I have plenty of time. Sometimes I long for those days of simplicty BPC -Before Personal Computer- why is it called personal anyway? It's not personal in the least... sure it's 'mine/ours' but it's not relational. Anyway... BPC life seemed less complicated and I knew myself better than I do now, because I took the time to journal out my thoughts and feelings, allowed myself to hear God and really listen to His voice.

Do I feel so fogged in all the time now, and 'out of touch' because I have let time on the internet clog my brain? It bothers me that I can't remember details of what people tell me... is that because I'm not really listening? Sure, I've connected w/ some people online, but without that face-to-face interaction I find it hard to remember things they tell me that are important and I think that is seeping into my face-to-face relationships... hmmmm

Don't get me wrong, I think the internet is great, as I have really connected w/ some people and gotten in touch w/ old friends, and been able to stay connected to friends that are dear to me, through IMing and chatting... w/o any huge cost - I just need to really think about the way I spend my time and (I've said this SO many times before) really learn to prioritize my time so that I will know who I am again... being able to journal and connect with 'me' again.

I'll try and let you know how the journey goes. :)

What To Do?

2009-01-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

I find myself to be in a bit of a quandry and it has me feeling unsettled and a bit agitated. I am fully aware that I need to bathe a decision before in prayer, but what I really want to do is just make the decision I want to make and be done with it. But, I really need to weigh everything out, talk to God and also to my husband this evening if we have some time between him getting off of work and our going to my folks for a family gathering for a dinner of soup and bread. I'm so glad our family gets together once a month! But that's off the subject... :-p

In July I started working at Kennedy Club Fitness in exchange for a membership and started working out quite frequently. I dropped some pounds, maybe a few inches and got my cholesterol and A1C (measures blood sugar over a 3 months period of time - I was real close to becoming a pre-diabetic) down. I was feeling good about being busy and not just sitting at home all the time.

Things have changed now, and I feel too busy. I have always been more of a home body and never wanted to work. Some women have that need to work. I don't. Some women thrive on being busy and having a lot to do outside the home. I'm not one of them.

I want to quit at Kennedy and be at home more again. But would I then miss the business? I somehow seriously doubt it, because this week I have been home more than I was last week and I enjoyed it a lot more. Because I was home more, I actually enjoyed doing things around the house, keeping things neat and tidy for my husband.

I have thought of seeing if I could work 6 hours every other week instead of 3 hours every week, but then I'd still be too busy because I'd have to go to the gym to workout. I don't like having something almost every day of the week to do. That's the bottom line.

Sunday: Phil's day off, Church, maybe grocery shopping after, some Sundays go to my folks for a visit at some point
Monday: Phi's day off, stay home or go somewhere - either for pleasure or to run errands
Tuesday: Bible Study, then work out
Wednesday: at home but maybe doing something w/ a friend - next week I'm working Wednesday to make up for not working this week - so I'll be working 2 days next week.
Thursday: Prayer Group, workout
Friday: work
Saturday: sometimes go workout

Between all this, I need to make sure I spend time w/ God in devotional time (becoming more of a priority than it has been in a long time), do my Bible study, spend time w/ hubby, get housework done and cook meals and take Phil to and from work. And I would love to make time to work on my novel. Something I keep saying I'm going to do, but just don't do.

I'm sure that to a lot of people that doesn't look like much, but for me... I'm the type of person who doesn't like to have a lot on her plate and can get to feeling overwhelmed very easily.

What I would like to have happen is this: quit Kennedy, quit working out at the gym and go for walks from home and do my 2 pound weight exercises at home. I would still like to keep up on all the duties of the household and have time to make meals for Phil on a more regular basis... as it is now, I don't cook near as much as I used to and last night Phil must've thought he'd died on gone to heaven the way he went on about the fact that I cooked and how much he liked it. When I'm gone so much I don't often feel like doing anything when I get home.

I would like to be able to set up a schedule and keep to it - of time for exercising, writing, keeping house,cooking, Bible study, quiet time... with a lot less time on the computer.

I have never been a schedule maker. I've been a list maker in the past... I wonder if that would work better for me - just make a list of what I want to get done every day, with a general time to do it and then... JUST DO IT!

Something I definitely need to think a lot more about and pray about.

One thing that really bothers me is that if I quit at Kennedy I'm going to have people upset with me... and I will feel that I've let them down... people who are proud of me for having stepped out of my comfort zone, etc. etc. But it's not my lot in life to please people and do things because of how they will feel about me and my fearing quitting because of that, is fearing rejection and going from them being proud of me to having a lack of approval.

I'm wondering if God is going to give me a definite answer on this one...

Writing

2009-01-25T16:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was cleaning up some stuff beside the rocker in our bedroom and picked up a notebook, and thought, What's this? Well, it was a notebook I had been using to have 'practice days' for writing - using daily prompts from a book called A Writer's Book of Days. I had forgotten about it, it's been that long since I 'practiced.' :( I came across my last entry of November 6, 2008. Oh, I saw it before I figured out what the notebook was - started reading, and thought, Was I copying something someone wrote? And then... it dawned on me... Oh! I wrote this! Wow! The prompt was "Your eating breakfast." Here it is:

Methodically I cut the French toast into bite-size pieces. I have to have something orderly in my life right now and it might as well be how I eat my breakfast. I think that maybe if I begin to do something orderly, then the chaos in my life won't be so... chaotic and I'll be able to finally make sense of life.

I really don't know when things began to crumble like a clump of sand picked up and being unable to hold it together, or when my world started to be the dull gray of rain-filled clouds.

It used to be my days were filled with every color imaginable - the deep red of a rose, the bright yellow of a pansy smiling at the sun, the bright orange of an orange. Looking back now, I see those were the colors of joy, whereas this gray I am living in now is the color of sadness, a sadness so deep, no color can seem to penetrate its darkness.

Melancholy has totally ruined my breakfast. The food is tasteless. I might as well be eating a paper sack. I push the plate away, hard. It hits my glass of orange juice, knocking it over. Anger builds within me, rage colors my face red. I get up but then just as quickly sit back down - tears of frustration welling up, spilling a hot trail down my cheeks.

At lunch time my husband comes home and he finds me in the same spot, the orange juice long since dried on to the breakfast bar, a sticky mess. My unfinished breakfast is a hard mass.

I look up at him, confused. How could it be lunch time already? Didn't this just happen five minutes ago? Three hours have passed?

"Lori." My husband's voice is gentle, soothing. My name on his lips, a caress. He sits down next to me, wraps his arms around me. Tears I thought all shed find their way out my eyes and my body shakes with sobs. My world turns black as anguish settles over my soul - a shroud of darkness.

Empty nest.
©2008

A Small Thing... But a Blessing Nonetheless

2009-01-25T16:25:00.000-08:00

The other day I was carrying some things upstairs to put away, and some of that was two pairs of earrings. When I got upstairs to put the stuff down, I saw I had dropped one of the earrings - one of a pair of studs. Who knew where I had dropped it? I didn't even bother looking.

This morning I was a bit sad (not really, but you know what I mean) because I wanted to wear them, as I was wearing a pink sweater, and they would go perfectly. Well, when I was getting ready for church I was opening my blush, farther back from the mirror than usual, because I had just gotten something from the linen closet, and had it in my hand, and I dropped the brush. I heard it hit something... looked down and there was that earring! Oh, the mirror I use is full length at the top of the stairs. I had dropped the earring just a few feet away from that.

I said to my husband, "That is so cool! That is just so cool!" And told him what had happened... I just really was thanking God that He cared about such a small thing for me. :)

Honest Scrap ~ Ten Honest Things About Me

2009-01-24T10:44:00.000-08:00

This was a challenge on the Mitford Board: List 10 honest things about yourself...and make it interesting even if you have to dig deep.

I am resistant to change and have quit things many times because of this, so for me to continue working at the fitness club and working out there as well, has been a real stretch and challenge for me.

I realize that there are different levels of friendship - and I have best friends at different levels - that meet different needs. At the same time I think I want someone nearby who has everything I long for in a friendship - someone to just have fun with, someone I can call anytime, and have long conversations with, or someone to go shopping with, do crafts with, bake with, or engage on a deep level - both ways - not just one of us sharing, but sharing mutually.

I have a fear of my family all being in different places when an earthquake happens and not being able to find each other.

I started writing a novel almost 13 years ago and keep saying I need to finish it... I really hope to get the motivation I need... SOON.

Even at my age I still long for a sister... I grew up with three brothers and just always wanted a sister. I really wish I could have experienced having a sister.

I love to write and wonder why that if I love it so much I don't do it more... and why I waste time doing other things when I could be writing?

I really don't mind housework all that much... once I'm started!

I have never read through the Bible in a year and am hoping that this year will be the year I do it. I'm behind already, but I'm not letting that stop me from continuing on.

It took me a long time to get 'over' not having more than one child. I am so thankful that God brought me to the place where I accepted it and I am very grateful that we have Rebekah.

I am frustrated that I don't seem to be losing weight, even though I'm eating less and exercising more... I want to make sure and keep on keeping on though, no matter what.

Jr. High Reminiscing

2009-01-17T12:29:00.000-08:00

The other day when I was at the Dollar Tree I bought some lip-gloss. Later when I opened it up to put some on, I was immediately taken back to Jr. High as the scent of bubble gum wafted under my nose. I remember how cool I felt having that tube of lip-gloss with the roller ball. I wonder how many times a day I applied that stuff... the one I have now is a wand... the old one was clear, this one is slightly pink... but oh what memories came through my mind...

I can see the halls filled with kids as we tried to remember where our classes were those first days... at least I was trying to remember where my classes were. That was one huge building compared to the small grade school I came from that only had 3 halls of classrooms to remember. Now I was coming into a TWO story building. Nervousness was my companion those first few days, dogging my steps.

My mind wanders through the days, the weeks, the months, the years, spent in that institution of learning. Seventh and Eight grades - Schoolgirl crushes I had, 'love notes' sent much to my embarrassment after the fact. Looking back I wonder how I could have crushed on some of the boys I did... yikes! Included in the schoolgirl crushes were the crushes on teachers... did my crushes on some of them make me a better student? I doubt it!

I remember to this day, 35 years the pain inflicted on my in two very clear incidents. I have journaled on those incidents in the past, so I wonder why, then do they continue to bother me? Because sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me, is false. Whoever first said that was just trying to protect their heart and pretend words don't hurt... but they do, especially during those years when our hearts our so vulnerable and we're trying to figure out who we are, why we're here. I still wonder sometimes if my socks match my shirt, when I get dressed... simply because I was told one time that my socks didn't match my shirt, like I'd committed some kind of crime... I remember too, walking down the upstairs hallway on picture day, wearing a dress I loved (the hand-me-downs I got from girls at church were to me, grand, because they were clothes I never would have had otherwise) and a girl walking by me, saying, "Who do you think you are, a Princess?" I never wore that dress again. Words hurt. Those words said to me, "you're not pretty enough to be a Princess. You don't fit into the mold to be a Princess and you're not in the 'in' crowd." I know different now... but then, I was in the transition stage from girlhood to young womanhood, where a lot of things can hurt.

Putting myself back there now, is painful - I can still feel the sharp pain of trying to find me... choosing some wrong friends, trying to fit in wherever I could. At that time I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, but I would head to school, meet my friend in the girl's bathroom and use her eye shadow - the kind that was in tubes that stacked ... loved it! I would then wipe it off before I got home from school. This same friend one time invited me over to her house after school and my mom dropped us off. It was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. When I got out of the car, my mom said to me. "Remember who you belong to." I knew exactly what she meant. My friend didn't. She asked me how I could forget who belonged to, and I told her my mom meant I was a child of the King (Jesus). I only have vague images of what her house was like inside... I remember it being cluttered and dark... not homey at all. While there we went outside - my friend wanted to smoke - she offered me a puff... I took it. I first exhaled on the cigarette instead of inhaling... but when I did inhale I coughed and sputtered - it was not pleasant. The rest of my time there, I don't remember but I think I was very uncomfortable. I don't remember how I got home, nothing. Funny, though I do kind of remember what I was wearing. I think I had on a skirt and pullover short sleeved sweater. Our friendship was rocky after that, and we were never really kindred spirits anyway.

I still have a friendship ring one friend gave me....

Memory lane... an interesting place to travel.

Enjoying Life

2009-01-16T09:03:00.000-08:00

At heart I am a home body. That being the case it has been a streeetch for me to embark on being away from home 3-4 days a week for any given length of time. Yesterday I chose to be gone all day. I came home exhausted.

I dropped Phil off at work at 8 o'clock and then sat in the parking lot, putting on my makeup and having a quiet time. I'm reading through the Bible this year and right now I'm only one day behind - for that I am pleased, because usually by this time I'm so far behind, I just quit. Maybe my new life is making me more commitment oriented. :-) At 9 o'clock I went to the church for ladies prayer. I so much enjoy praying with these women. yesterday there were five of us - six to start as one came at the beginning to have us pray for her. It was nice to have a bigger group again, instead of just two or three of us, although I know God hears us however many there are. The woman that started the group prayed by herself for eighteen months.

After prayer group I went on over to Walmart and got a few things then went and sat in the car to wait until Phil's lunch break so we could go grab a bite at Taco Bell together. I had charged my laptop at church, but apparently the outlet didn't work, as when I went to use it in the car it didn't boot up and there were no lights whatsoever. I was going to work on my novel, but that kind of shot that idea, so I read Jane Eyre a bit and did some in my sign language book, although I'm not sure how much sunk in as I was tired and hungry. When Phil came we walked over to Taco Bell, each got a cheesy double beef burrito and went back and ate lunch in the car. I had packed some fruit and a cookie for each of us (boughten - 2 thin chocolate chip cookies w/ a cream filling between them - only 140 calories! yum). We had a good time just enjoying each other's company - a rare thing in the middle of the day. :-)

After lunch, I went over to Kennedy Club Fitness and got a much needed workout in. I started out by riding the rowing machine for twelve minutes, then I did the Nautilus Circuit (strength training) and rode the recumbent bike for a little over eleven and a half minutes. I had set it for 25, but had to stop because my knee was hurting pretty bad. I tried to adjust my pedaling and it worked for a bit, but then it started hurting again, so I finally said, OK, I really need to quit before I make this worse. So after showering and putting 'my face back on.' I headed into town.

Ran to the bank, went and saw Bekah at work and stopped at the library and checked out season 2 of Little House on the Prairie on DVD. It's always a joy to watch those shows.

Got Phil at 5 o'clock and came home and made dinner and had a nice evening with hubby even though I was dead tired. It was nice to finally crawl in bed. Ahhhh...

So... even though I'm a home body I did enjoy my day yesterday and I'm enjoying being more busy. It has lended itself to me being more productive. This morning, knowing I'm going to work this afternoon, I have made our bed, picked up clutter and done the dishes. Soon, I will iron my shirt for work and get ready for work before I eat lunch...

Life... enjoy it... no matter what you're doing... it's better than lamenting!

Revelation

2009-01-09T15:14:00.000-08:00

This morning when I took Phil to work, I switched the radio station from KLOVE to CSN and just left it on there, so when Rebekah and I went out for coffee later on it was still on that station and the teaching program that was on really caught my attention. I was at a stop light and it was all I could do not to just bow my head in prayer right there, I was so moved by what I was hearing. I did bow my heart and thanked the Lord out loud and didn't care it the person behind me thought I was talking to myself!

What I heard was, "Don't come to God on the basis of your love for Him, come on the basis of His love for you." The preacher was talking about the verse where Mary and Martha are speaking to Jesus and they say to him, "The one you love is sick." They don't say the one who loves you, but the one you love... and he said that when we came to God on the basis that He loves us, we know that His love is solid. And the word for love in that verse is not Agape love, but Phileo love - which is friendship love. He mentioned the verse where Jesus says, I no longer call you servants, but friends...

Those few minutes of hearing that in the car, added a sparkle to my day. My heart leapt within me at the thought of coming to God on the basis of His love for me... not on mine for Him... because just think of it... how many times do we think we're not good enough... or how many times are we fickle (the preacher mentioned that)?

This is something I so want to remember - because it makes coming to God seem so much more personal - coming because He loves me... not because I love Him. It means His love draws me. I'm not having to 'do' anything to be 'good enough' to come into His presence. I can come, simply because I know I am loved... (Selah - pause and calmly think of that).

Rearranged Days

2009-01-08T15:05:00.000-08:00

This week has not gone at all like I have planned it. Each day, I have made my plans, but then something happens to change those plans. Last night I asked God to guide me. Today my plans were changed again. Instead of feeling overwhelmed and pulling out my hair because of this I just went with the flow and boy did it make all the difference in having a calm heart.

It's really a matter of trust. Trusting God to guide my days and not lead me astray (I know He won't). He is the God of the Universe. He knew a long time ago what each day would hold anyway, so why not just entrust my days to Him? What's that Scripture (Proverbs 16:9)... we make our plans but the Lord directs our steps - very loose paraphrase. There's a phrase from the movie Bella that comes to mind. "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." God must be laughing a lot this week at the plans I've made.

On another note,which kind of has to do with plans... Earlier this week I was thinking about everything I could do to 'make myself a better Christian' - "I can do this and this and this... read this book, spend this much time... blah blah blah" Guess what? God has plans for me there too. And you know what? His ideas are so much simpler than my grandiose ideas. Going His way is much more freeing and I don't end up feeling so overwhelmed. When I'm overwhelmed I tend to quit. God doesn't want me to quit so He gives me a simple way - and it's in its simplicity that I'm so blessed. He meets me as I read His Word and opens my eyes to Scriptures He wants to use to encourage me, rebuke me, teach me...

2 Timothy 3 [16] All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, [17] so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

I'm looking forward to what He will teach me this year as I read through the Bible in one year. I've never done it before - started but never finished. This year I'm approaching it with a heart to learn and grow and that makes all the difference. Reading His Word is how I spend my quiet time with Him and it's really refreshing to not have so much extra 'stuff' - but to just simply learn from His Word and what His Spirit is breathing into my spirit.

Forty-Seven Questions

2009-01-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

Recently on the Mitford Board someone posted over a period of days these questions that were in their local paper, and I thought it was a good thing to use for a blog and maybe get me motivated to blog more again. :)

1. What is your favorite room in your house and why? I'd have to say the 'living room' because I can sit on the couch and be doing 'my own thing' but if Phil is on the computer behind me I still feel connected to him.
2. What is something you miss from your childhood? Being carefree. Just being myself and being who I was...
3. Who was the most important adult person, other than your parents, in your life growing up and why? My Grandma B. She and I were very close and I was her oldest grand child... she loved me unconditionally and listened to me.
4. What was your childhood dream profession and would you still want to do it? Wife/Homemaker/Writer - yes - I AM doing it I love being a wife and taking care of our home and as to being a Writer I'm not published, per se, but I AM a writer.
5. If you were to give yourself a new name what would it be and why would you choose it? I wouldn't. I like my name. Pamela Joy
6. What is your first memory? I was about 2 or 3 and I remember going next door to my Aunt and Uncle's house and playing with these little 'motorized' ladybugs, that we (my twin brother and I) pulled back and back and let go and they went zooming across the linoleum floor of their kitchen. My brother now has one of those bugs because he asked... I mentioned them... but didn't ask... oh well.
7. Name an everyday hero in your life - someone who seems to save your day when you need it. No question... my husband, hands down. He knows me better than the back of his hand... he's so sensitive to my needs... and he loves me sooo much... I'm a very blessed woman!
8. Why do you live in the city (country) you do? And what are some of your favorite 'haunts'? Because it's where we could find affordable housing. I have no favorite haunts, unless you count our going to the coast just 30 miles away.
9. If you could try any profession for ONE day, what would it be? Ballerina
10. What is your best quality and why? Encouraging others and being compassionate - because I love people and God gave me the gift.
11. Name five luxuries of your daily life and why do you like/use them? Indoor plumbing - well... it would be miserable to have an outhouse! A nice warm bed to sleep in - isn't that obvious? Computer - to connect w/ friends and to write. Gas Heat - to keep us nice and warm on these chilly days. Windows - to let the glorious day in...
12. What 5 things would you take to a deserted island? Husband, Bible, Journal, Pen, Food
13. Name a talent you wish you had. Name one you DO have. I wish I could draw/paint. I have the talent of writing.
14. What would you do if you had a free day to do anything? I would go to Oregon for the day to see my best friend (were there no financial limitations).
15. What qualities have you passed on to your children? Caring for people, generosity, compassion
16. When something happens to you, how do you determine whether it is a good thing or a bad thing? Wow... in the end I'd have to say that everything that happens is a 'good' thing because of the end result of hopefully growing stronger in the Lord and knowing that nothing comes into my life without first being filtered through His hands... there have been 'bad' things in my life, some of them pretty major, but God has seen me through them all... now if it's a 'small' thing and I think it's 'bad' then I need to have an attitude check and learn not to let the small things get me down! A very good thought provoking question!
17. What do you know for certain? That Jesus died for my sins and lives in my life by the Holy Spirit and that I'm forgiven and going to heaven some day.
18. What is the No. 1 thing you would like your children to know or understand? That no matter what, God is always there for her and His love is unconditional.
19. One memory from each of your children's births. I only have Rebekah... When she was born, Phil said, "We have a Rebekah." I was so happy!
20. Favorite movie growing up/favorite movie now. I didn't have a favorite movie growing up and now there are a lot of movies I could watch over and over... but my top favorite right now is probably Fireproof.
21. When did you think you were in love for the first time? With whom? I don't even like to think about this, because Phil is really my true love, but when I thought I was in love for the first time was w/ a guy I met on a cross country meet when I was 16 and a Jr. in High School. We were good friends for 6 years, and the first 3 of those I was head over heels for him...
22. When /how did you have your first broken heart? With the same guy above... When I expressed my feelings for him I was crushed they weren't reciprocated, but now I'm glad!
23. What are you most passionate about? I'm not really sure - it seems that I start to get passionate about things, mainly writing I think, but then the passion doesn't stay, sadly...
24. Name a time when you sacrificed something for someone else. Giving my kidney to Phil in 1997.
25. Have you had joy in your life? When/what/who? Yes, I've had joy... and I need to be much more aware of the Lord's presence in my life to experience more and not let things get me down so much. This is something I really needed to address right now... and I think I may have to journal on this question to really pinpoint moments of joy and to make myself more aware of joy...
26. Have you brought joy to others in your life? What/when/Who? I'm sure I have... family, friends... at various times.
27. Who was/were your best friend(s) growing up? The only one I really remember is my best friend from high school - Susan.
28. Where did you go to daydream when you were young? Where do you go as an adult? I climbed the apple tree in our side yard. Now... the bathtub, outdoors, walking the beach
29. What did you plan to with with your life? Get married and have kids and be a writer.
30. Have you accomplished all your plans? How? Or why not? Pretty much... I'm happily married and had one child... wanted more, but that wasn't to be. I'm a writer, albeit not 'published'
31. How do you interpret the admonition: 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.??? The way it is...
32. How do you feel when you 'color outside the lines'?? I feel like I'm taking a risk, but sometimes I feel like I'm excited for the adventure of taking that risk and stepping out of my comfort zone.
33. What muscial style best represents your life? Right now something kind of chaotic, cuz that's how my heart feels.
34. Describe your favorite childhood meal. My mom's homemade pizza.
35. Look out your window today and describe what you feel. It's dark outside... so I feel secure in my home... :)
36. Recall and describe your favorite grade school teacher. Wow... I liked most all of my grade school teachers, but I have to say my favorite was my first grade teacher, Mrs. Landes. She was a wonderful, kind lady who was very gentle.
37. What did you like best about yourself during your teen years? Looking back I'd have to say that I was fun loving and carefree at times. That was a tough question!
38. Describe the contents of the front seat of your car (vehicle). Nothing... I have to keep it clean for Phil to sit in!
39. What is the oddest thing you carry in your purse and why do you carry it with you? Uh... Glucose tablets, I guess... in case Phil has a low blood sugar.
40. Name an object that you have inherited (hope to inherit) and why it is special to you. I hope to inherit my folks' piano, because my dad refinished it and because it was the first piano I took lessons on.
41. Describe one of your favorite pets - past of present. The BEST cat ever was Cinnamon. She was affectionate, and such a people cat! She would meet us when we came home from somewhere, loved to be held and would push her face through our cupped hand when we held it up to her nose.
42. Describe a place you visited that touched a part of you. Whether you ever wanted to live there, or just visit. What awakened in you when you visited? Wow... didn't have to think long, once I started thinking. Pt. Lobos near Monterey California. I sat in this one spot overlooking the ocean and it was SO beautiful I just started crying at God's amazing creation. What awakened in me was heart of praise to God and my true enjoyment of beauty. It made my creativity just want to soar.... even now when I think about that spot it does the same thing.
43. What question do you dread in small talk - and why? Where do you work? I don't dread it as much as I used to because I have a very part time job now (working 3 hours a week at a fitness club in exchange for a membership), but it makes me feel less than because I don't work - like I am nobody because I'm a Homemaker.
44. What were your favorite childhood games, playground equipment, etc? The monkey bars, swings, Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, riding bikes, climbing the apple tree in our side yard.
45. What would your 16yr of self be most shocked about you now? That I am continuing with something I started and not quitting as has been my usual MO when things got 'too hard' or I just didn't want to continue.
46. What kind of art inspires you? Pastoral scenes and the like...
47. What is your celebration food of choice? That varies! Chinese, Mexican, Sweets... whatever the mood is for at the moment.

Grinning From Ear to Ear and Doing a Happy Dance

2008-12-23T16:08:00.000-08:00

I just posted this on Mitfordbooks.com:

Six Months From Today...

.... is mine and Phil's 25th wedding anniversary!!!

I am teary-eyed just thinking about it. What a wonder. I am so blessed to have been married to this wonderful man for so many years. The time has flown by so quickly, how is it possible that this time is coming upon us already? All we have gone through has only cemented our love stronger and stronger. Phil is my best friend, my soul-mate, the one who completes me. That God hand-picked him for me, I have never doubted. We are a perfect fit.

So... six months from today we will be in Yosemite celebrating. I can't wait!

Lord, thank you for the gift of love you've given Phil and I for two plus decades. Thank you for all you have brought into our lives to make us stronger in you and stronger in our marriage. In Jesus' name, Amen.

~Pamela~

I also wanted to share more on the car... I also posted this at Mitfordbooks.com:

A Story of How God Works...

Our car has been having transmission problems for quite sometime, and over the last several months it's gotten worse. When I'm in a stop position and go to start, the car often hesitates and was getting to the point where I was scared I'd get rear-ended because of it. We finally did take the car in and found out we definitely need a new tranny to the tune of a lot more money than we could afford. The car also needs new wheel bearings and new tires, so that would have been even more money than we could afford... so, we decided our best route was to get a 'new' car because it would be cheaper than all the stuff our car needs.

Phil wrote a note and put it up on the bulletin board at church 2 weeks ago this coming Wednesday. Our secretary saw it and told us to write an email to her and she would send it out to everyone in the church we has email. I think I got that to her last week Tuesday. Thursday morning as I was praying about our need, the Lord brought to mind Philippians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus." I knew (and this hasn't happened in a long time) that we were going to hear something that day. Well, when I got home from my workout Thursday morning there was a message on our answering machine that someone might have a car for us. I called her back and found out about it... saw it yesterday at Church and took it for a test drive and loved it! We were ok with not having a 'pretty' car - just a reliable car, automatic transmission and good condition. It's pretty! It's a green Pontica (97) Grand Am. The couple we got it from sold it to us for less than blue book, and they even delivered it, since we weren't sure how we were going to get it since Phil doesn't drive any more.

The guy told us that when he saw our need, he was wracking his brain trying to think of anyone that might have a car for us. He had been wanting to buy a truck and the next day when he went to work one of his co-workers had bought a brand new truck and had his old one for sale... bingo! He knew who had a car now... funny thing is, this car was one my mom had told us about 7 years ago when we were looking for a car then, but it was more than we wanted to spend... and now... it was just right! God is SO good... and I love how He is the God of details!

So, a Merry Christmas to us! Thank you God!

Hugs,
Pamela

Lament for a Car

2008-12-18T15:10:00.000-08:00

I have only had my license for just over eleven years and so it's only in that time that I've 'had a car' - I've driven four different ones during that time, but the one I'm driving now, I have not shared the driving with anyone, except occasionally when our daughter drives it, but then I'm not with her. My husband doesn't drive any more since his eye Dr. has said 'no more.' I have driven him everywhere for over a year and a half now and so, the cute little 2000 Ford Escort ZX2 has become 'mine.' I even put a Sisterchicks window sticker on the driver side back window. We've had the car for over five years and practically the whole time, it has had a 'transmission problem' but nothing too serious. Well, now it's gotten bad enough that we need to either fix it, or get a different car. The cost to fix it, plus another problem (wheel bearings) are more than we want to spend. We put a note up at church that we were in need of a car. Our church secretary said to send her the same notice in an email and she would send it out to the church members.

We got a call yesterday. Someone has a car. In our price range. So, as I'm driving our car around at one point yesterday, I'm near tears... I LIKE the car we have now. A LOT. It's very cute... and well, since I didn't get my license until I was 36, I never had the experience of having my own car... and since, as I said before I have been driving this one exclusively the last year and a half it has become 'my car' - I really don't want to give her up... silly, I know... funny thing, yesterday morning I 'knew' that we were going to get a call about a car - I knew that God would provide what we need, because He promised in Philippans 4:19. "My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." It looks like a car is being provided. We'll look at it Sunday and know for sure.

Even though I KNOW God is providing, I'm still sad to give up 'my car.' It's just a 'thing,' yeah... but well... how in the world can I explain the emotions roiling around in my heart... and who would have thought I would ever get emotional over a car??? Now I'll have to get used to a different one all over again... I'm sure it will be fine... but for now... I'm lamenting a car...

A Mish-Mash of Thoughts

2008-12-17T19:17:00.000-08:00

This morning as I was driving Phil to work I was thinking about how I treat someone very important in my life and how I want to love her. Period. God spoke so clearly to my heart. "Accept her, as I have accepted you and love you, no matter what." Wow... that easy huh? So, throughout this day as I have thought of her what God spoke to me this morning has come to mind again and again... I'm accepted. He knows the things I do that are less than perfect, and less than His plan for me, and yet, He accepts me, loves me, encourages me to move on. I can do this with many people in my life, instead of pointing a finger in my heart and maybe even w/ my words toward them, or my lack of words... or just even how I treat them.

To accept would be to show an interest in their lives, to ask questions that show I'm interested, that show I'm thinking of them and encouraging them to succeed. Just some thoughts...

******

The faithwriters' challenges are wrapped up for the quarter.

Here are my last four stories (you'll see the topics at the top when you click on the links):

The Book
Forgiven
Give of Yourself - this one was one of the hardest I've written as it was based on Phil's sister who lives in SD. His conversations with her are always hard... I placed 7th in my level and 23rd overall (4 levels).
Stained Glass Window - this one I actually got the idea from watching the old show Emergency! In an episode we watched there was a battered boy... and it gave me the idea for this story.

I hope you enjoy reading my stories and let me know what you think.

Decorating for Christmas

2008-12-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

Decorating our Christmas tree is something we really enjoy doing together as a family and I'm so thankful Rebekah is still at home and makes time to decorate the tree with us. This year I made enchiladas for dinner and after we ate we got down to the business of decorating. We have our traditions...

1) Mama puts the tree skirt on
2) Phil and Bekah do the lights
3) Bekah puts the tree topper on - although this year there isn't one - when she was little Phil would hold her up to put it on. :) Actually, she used an Angel ornament and wrapped it around the top of the tree
4) Phil and I put our first Christmas together ornament on
5) Bekah puts her first Christmas ornament on
6) We all put the rest of the ornaments on
7) We have goofy times in between...
8) We stand by the tree, hold hands and take a picture
9) Still holding hands, we each pray, ushering in the Christmas season wanting to keep our focus on Jesus.

I've been tagged by Lovie

2008-12-02T12:41:00.000-08:00

at Cotton Candy. I have to post 6 things about myself and tag 6 others.

Here goes:

1. I love to write - once I have a story going in my head - especially for faithwriters I keep thinking about it until it's started.
2. I absolutely love to read. A LOT. I always have a book going and it's a rare thing when I don't.
3. I have a twin brother - I'm 8 minutes older than he is and we're NOT close as most people would assume.
4. I don't generally like house cleaning, BUT once I'm going on it I enjoy it... an oxymoron to be sure!
5. I like watching movies - and when I need a good cry, I enjoy watching movies that make me cry
6. I like to cross stitch and have given away more than I've kept for myself.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-29T13:01:00.000-08:00

The smell of pumpkin dessert baking in the oven is permeating the house. Wait a minute, you might say, Thanksgiving was Thursday. Yes, it was. :O) I'm well aware of that. My family is having our Thanksgiving get together and meal this evening though, at my parent's home. I'm really looking forward to it and aside from the fact that I'm alone today (both Phil and Bekah are working) today seems like Thanksgiving whereas Thursday didn't. I'm sitting here with my apron on and love the smell wafting from the kitchen... ummmm. After awhile I'll put together the green bean casserole.

Thursday Phil had to work for 4 hours - first time ever that Walmart has been open on Thanksgiving. I went out to Bekah's bf's (Jon) parents for awhile and we watched the dog show and had lunch with them. Butternut squash soup... yum!! It was so delicious! Then I picked Phil up at 2 and we went home and took a nap and made some long distance calls to family and then went to my parents' for a roast beef dinner. Bekah was able to join us. :O) We had nice meal together and then had dessert and coffee and played dominoes.

Tonight my twin brother, his family and my youngest brother and his family will be there as well as Bekah's bf. We'll have turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoe casserole, green bean casserole, rolls and for dessert... what's baking in my oven right now. :O) We'll probably play games and also just visit.

I'm looking forward to getting our Christmas box out tomorrow or Monday and setting up all my Christmas decorations and hoping that maybe tomorrow we can get our tree and decorate it sometime this week when Bekah might be on an evening. I always so much enjoy this time of the year with getting decorate for Christmas. It's a joyful time.

I'm feeling reflective this year and I'm so thankful for Christ's coming to earth for us. My sins are forgiven, my life is in Him and I'm learning so much lately... this last several months have been a huge season of change for me. That's probably why I'm feelng reflective and so thankful for Christ being in my life.

Making Memories

2008-11-22T15:23:00.000-08:00

It's been quite some time since I posted a 'real' blog, eh?

Thursday night was wonderful. Phil and I were sitting on the couch watching an episode of Emergency! online (he has our computer hooked up to the TV for ease of watching shows online or showing folks our pictures when they come over) and we heard the door being opened - Bekah was home early that night. Normally on her school days she goes to her boyfriend's place afterward, and I expected him to walk in the door behind her when she came in, but he didn't... pleasant surprise to have her home on an evening! She had thought of going over there, but didn't. She stayed home and worked on homework. When I asked her why she was home early she said Jon was low on gas and didn't want to bring her back... lol

Later I was IMing w/ a friend of mine in Oregon and telling her how Rebekah was home for the night and how rare that was. She told me we should have a tea party! Right then... (we were chatting at 9 at night!) I was like NOW? She said, yes... take the opportunities when you have them to make a memory. And she said instead of fortune cookies we could have love envelopes. Each write notes to each other about how we love each other...

SO... I put the tea kettle on, went upstairs and got paper and envelopes and then on my way back down told Rebekah to come downstairs w/ me. Of course she wanted to know why, I said just come... so I took her hand and 'pulled' her downstairs. Phil was snoozing on the couch and I said, "Hey, we're going to have a tea party." He mentioned he'd already had hot cocoa - I told him he didn't have to have anything. I made Rebekah and I each a cup of hot cocoa w/ a soft peppermint stick in it (YUM). We sat down to enjoy our hot cocoa and each began writing our notes. After we were all done, we put them in the envelopes (just one for each of us) and read them. It was a sweet time and I hope Rebekah was blessed by it as much as Phil and I were. I love that Melinda had that idea!

I asked her about it today and she said it was random. I told her it was a God thing... but she said maybe it was because of a family in the nearby community had just lost two sons to drowning and she realized that we never know how long we have, so we need to make memories while we can...

Latest Faithwriters Writings

2008-11-17T20:13:00.001-08:00

It's been awhile since I posted my writings... so here's the latest:

Glory to God... the topic was Christmas Lights

The Message You Send - the topic was Christmas Cards

These two aren't my favorite, but I want to post every week this quarter... sooo... I stepped out of my comfort zone with them... especially w/ the second one.

This week I really enjoyed what I wrote but it won't be up until Thursday. The topic was Christmas Gifts and I wrote a memory of my grandma. :)

2008-11-17T19:47:00.000-08:00

For Today...

Outside my Window... it's dark

I am thinking... about all I have going on tomorrow and hoping my morning goes smoothly and isn't stressed.

From the learning rooms... Eternal life is knowing God! John 17:3

I am thankful for... my husband who loves me so tenderly - I am blown away at times at HOW much he loves me!

From the kitchen...Zucchini bread

I am wearing... blue jeans, black t-shirt w/Oregon written on it entwined w/ morning glories

I am reading... The Shadow Within by Karen Hancock and Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

I am hoping... for rain soon

I am creating... a cross stitch gift for my friends who just got married.

I am hearing... music on the computer

Around the house... things need picking up.

One of my favorite things... sitting w/ my hubby

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... Bible Study Tuesday, work Tuesday, workout a couple days

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you... (yes, that's the moon - Phil took it)

Heart is Heavy

2008-11-04T20:41:00.000-08:00

I have never before wept over an election. Tonight is different. I'm weeping from a place deep inside.

I want to remember this:

TOP 10 PREDICTIONS NO MATTER WHO WINS THE ELECTION

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed teaching and healing.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.

And remember it and remember it... I know all this, but tonight I am grieving for the unborn babies and what will happen as a result of who 'America' has just elected as president. It's going to take me some time to get used to who our new president is and also to be able to pray for him.

I have just had an epiphany this last week regarding the unborn and I can't get away from what God is calling me to. Writing the novel, getting involved... the spirit really is willing, but the flesh is so very weak and dragging its heels... I feel the need to gather prayer support for this novel... and get on my face before God...

May this election and its results bring the church to its knees and spark a revival such as I have never seen in my lifetime.